Was Sobran based on me?

I think a while ago I read or heard someplace that the Kapiti Coast author Linda Niccol was heartily sick of people approaching her & saying "You know so-and-so, from your short story Thingamibob? Was she by any chance based on my great aunt Mildred who lives down the road from you?"

At the time, I thought this was a bit precious, if it were me I'd be grateful anyone had read the story at all.

So anyway, I was at an old mate's 50th recently, and who should be there? I bounded over:

"Hey Linda"

"Hey Llew"

"Hey Linda, you know the fireman character in your story the Waterbores?"

"Yes", she said suspiciously.

"Of course you do, heh. Anyway, I was wondering if he was based on my brother-in-law Richard who lives down the road from you."

"No." (Very curtly.)

I'd have followed up with small talk, or possibly even confessed I did it on purpose (although I had always wondered), but across the room, who should I spot but Elizabeth Knox, and I was suddenly curious to find out if the angel Xas was based on Bill Manhire.

The Ballad of Rodney (and Yoko)

Standing in the airport in Auckland,
Trying to get to London first class
The man from the press said, you'll make such a mess
We'll let you off if you will give us a dance.

Christ you know it aint easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to crucify me.

Finally made the plane into London,
Shacked up in a 5 star hotel
The PM called to say
You can make it o.k.,
If you both move to a fleapit motel

Christ you know it aint easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to crucify me.

Flew from London to the Toronto Hilton,
Just been in our bed for a week.
The newspapers said, say what you doing in there?
I said, We're only trying to make our ends meet.

Christ you know it aint easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to crucify me.

Spending up your money on a holiday,
Business class hilarity.
Last night the squeeze said,
Oh boy, when all's said
You'll put those seven hundred
On the dole - SHIT!

Made a lightning trip to Los Angeles,
Drinking protein shake from a boot
The newspapers said, she's gone to his head,
He looks like a baked bean in a suit.

Christ you know it aint easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to crucify me.

Caught a recent plane into to Christchurch.
Told some folk the PM's a sloth
The men from the press said, we got to report this,
And now I get to face JK's wrath!

Christ you know it aint easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to crucify me.
The way things are going
They're going to crucify me.

Mt Vic Lookout

Been years since I visited there. But recently, after attending the wake for a guy called Laurie Langston, I drove up & took a look at the city. Pretty cool eh?

Two things I Did This Weekend.

Can we do it? Well, turns out, yes we can. These are the first two of several planned "raised beds". We're going to build several more in this area & grow all sorts of stuff. Starting with corn and capsicum in one bed, and a mixture of lettuces & rocket in the other.







These were dead easy to make, I bought the timber some time ago & due to lengthy debate about where the beds would be positioned, it was a while before construction began. But all in all, construction, shifting the (home made) compost, planting and watering took only two days.

These are 3m x 1.5m x 0.3m. I'm going to do a bunch that are only 1.2m wide too, which is easier for shorter people to reach across.

I can make you one or some of these too, pretty cheap. Flick me an email if you're interested.

Spring at SunnyO

I musht be in heaven

I browse the job sites now & then, just in case that dream job turns up. That includes the Government job site, not that I think the dream job will turn up there, but something interesting might well & that can be fun too.

Well today a real interesting one turned up. Field Collection Officers, NZSIS.

YES! "Field" Something "Officers"! Spooks!

Intrigued I dug further.

The vacancy says this:

Working in conjunction with investigative sections in one of our core business areas, you will be part of a team that builds and maintains relationships with people of interest and relevant to our national security. To accomplish this, you will be required to establish contact and interact with a wide range of people and form an effective working relationship with each. You will need to be capable of modifying your behaviour to integrate with the range of people you will meet and the different environments in which you will find yourself. You will also be able to empathise with people whose view you may not share.

Can't you see it?! You'd be a "liaison" with narks from sundry groups (the Greens?) and ne'erdowells that might threaten your life with a switchblade knife (what a guy, makes me cry undt I did).

I've read le Carre & Deighton, Fleming too, I know this means "Tradecraft"! And sure enough, the job description is online for all to see.

And past the usual blurb we see:

Tradecraft: Use appropriate tradecraft to support meetings with agents, potential agents and intelligence interviews. To identify and apply appropriate mitigates on security issues related to agent handling; to operate in accordance with accepted best practice and standard operating procedures

"Appropriate tradecraft", I like that. Lots of scope there.

No mention of tux allowance and Aston Martins, but I'm game to speculate there'll be "dead letter drops", and cool surveillance equipment. Wires. Maybe the odd "wet job" too.

There might even be times for disguise & funny accents.

Don't you love this country? There's no covert recruitment from universities, there's just an advertisement on the bog normal government jobs website.

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours...

This had us chuckling in the weekend, essentially, after an 18 month dispute over a sewer pipe running through his property, a man cut the pipe at the boundary and capped it, leaving the neighbour with nowhere to go.

Neighbour cuts sewer pipe | Stuff.co.nz

What was particularly amusing to us is that we know both parties, one used to shear our sheep, the other sweeps our chimneys.

A portrait of the artist wearing Toxic Shorts

Everyone's got their costumes for special occasions, I've got a dinner suit upstairs that has seen a few formal outings, I have suits & jackets for work, I have certain clothes for walking the dog, pretty much the same set for gardening & an old business shirt & the Toxic Shorts for painting.

Actually, I retired the Toxic Shorts today, and replaced them with the shapeless track pants I bought for $5 in Rebel Sports about 5 years ago wore only once because people would stare at me in public.

The Toxic Shorts were bought some years ago on Castaway Island in Fiji, they were white & blue, with the Castaway Island logo down one side. I bought them for swimming togs, but only wore them once in the sea as they went completely transparent.

Their appearance, transparency aside, was not so great that I'd consider wearing them to a social occasion such as a barbecue, so they became painting attire.

No-one's painting attire looks stylish, but every appearance af the Toxic Shorts brought such remark, that the shorts achieved some level of family notoriety. Garlic cloves & crucifixes would be dusted off & worn prominently.

I was painting tongue-and-groove in the laundry today, it's a long story, but the clothes dryer got moved, the vent hole was plugged, the tongue-and-groove sanded & filled & then glooped over with something like a cross between putty and undercoat (it hides a lot of sins - there're a few borer so this is just a stop gap until the wall cladding gets replaced at some unspecified future time.) Today I applied the first top coat.

At some stage Mrs Llew popped in & noted the absence of the Toxic Shorts. But she said "What the hell is with that hideous old T shirt?"

"Doesn't it make me look like Marlon Brando?" I enquired.

"Yes, but not the young one." Was the final judgement.

Still, the laundry wall looks better than it has in years.

Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here!

Am I the only person who is wondering if the dog that that Tongan guy barbecued in Auckland the other day was registered? I mean, he can get a refund on his registration fee if the dog dies. Yeah right.

Am I the only person who thought "One less neglected pit bull terrier cross off the streets"?

Am I the only one getting more curmudgeonly in my old age?

We slaughter thousands of animals in all sorts of disgusting ways every day for food, leather & soap (check those ingredients sometime). We euthanise hundreds, if not thousands of dogs for sundry reasons each year... you see where I'm going with this right?