Wednesday, May 14, 2008

My final word on the Hobbit films

They will go like this:

The Hobbit should be fairly short... unless Jackson & del Toro decide to splice some backstory from the appendices of the Lord of the Rings & the Silmarilien. But it's my guess they'll leave that for the second movie.

The Hobbit will cover exactly what's in the book - In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit... through to Bilbo returning home with the ring & some treasure.

The 2nd "Hobbit" film (which probably won't have many if any hobbits in it) could go on for weeks. He's got plot to fill it, but otherwise a blank slate. There're about 80 years to cover between the end of the Hobbit & the start of the Fellowship of the Ring. And here's my guess how it'll go.

The 2nd film will start with a 25 minute run through of the creation of the world according to Tolkein & events up until approximately 90 years before what happens in the Hobbit.

We'll see the Valar & the Maiar, including a chap called Morgoth, who turns to the bad side & becomes a Sith Lord (or something) and his sidekick Sauron. These guys are Maia gone bad. Morgoth is defeated, but Sauron lives on - he's a shapeshifter who can make himself exceedingly beautiful & charming.

Sauron makes gifts of rings of power for the kings of Men, Dwarves & Elves. Secretly, he also forges The One Ring, which binds the others to his service.

The Istari will enter Middle Earth, they're Maia in the form of wise old men, wizards in fact, chief among them are Saruman & Gandalf. The Valar send them to help the denizens of Middle Earth oppose Sauron.

The dwarf Durin will create the underground city of Moria, but he & the city will wake a Balrog which will destroy them all.

We'll see excerpts from the LotR where Isildur & Elrond defeat Sauron. (By now, Sauron's lost the ability to look beautiful & charming & swans around in black armour, covering burnt black skin.)

Then skip thousands of years & we'll see Gandalf enter the dungeons of "the Necromancer" and discover that he's Sauron returned. And Gandalf will find a captive dwarf called Thrain (father of Thorin Oakenshield), a map & key.

All this happens before the stuff in the Hobbit.We'll skip the rest because it will be in the first film, except for a bit where the White Council drive Sauron out of Mirkwood.

Saruman will begin to turn to the dark side.

And then we'll return to Middle Earth to see a very young Aragorn being brought up by Elrond & meeting Arwen, they call him "Estel". We'll probably also see Aragorn serving in the armies of Rohan & Gondor, but under the name Thorongil.

Aragoen will meet Gandalf & they become firm friends. Gandalf asks Aragorn to keep a watch on the Shire.

Gollum will leave his mountain lair & begin to hunt for the thief Baggins. He will meet Shelob, but be caught & tortured by Sauron, who sends his forces to look for Bilbo. Gollum is freed.

Somewhere in here we'll also see Balin & company recolonise the abandoned city of Moria but be defeated after some years by Orcs.

Aragorn will capture Gollum & the goodies will become aware that the Shire & Bilbo are in danger. Gollum wil however, escape from the dwarves in Mirkwood where he was held captive.

Gandalf will go to persude Bilbo to give the ring to Frodo & the story is complete.

There. Easy.

If I'm correct, that must deserve comps to the World Premieres right?