Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Well... I bin gon'n dunnit

Just back from having my "bloods" done. And all those well-wishers who told me that medical science has moved on since the last time I had this done... hey, you were right! I could see no leeches anywhere in the clinic!

And this time there was light! And surveying the tiny reception area, I could tell that last week, in the dark, when I was wondering if I was about to sit on someone's lap, there could have been no more than 3 people ahead of me, unless they were all sitting on each others laps... but no matter.

I realise, after Sarah and Peter (say, that's some interesting looking entertaining you've been doing there Peter, or is that the entertainment?) assured me that they use a very fine gauge needle these days, that it's not the piercing of my flesh & veins that bothers me (although putting it like that, it's unlikely to become my favourite hobby), it's where they take it from that irks me.

And it was painless, and quick. But still, it makes me woozy. If they could take it from some other place that doesn't irrationally bother me, like the shoulder, or upper arm, or buttock... I'd have no qualms. But like my thumbs, my inner elbow or whatever it is called, is sacrosanct, I don't like being touched there (might make an exception for say, Naomi Campbell, but I'll cross that one should the occasion ever arise). Heh heh... I said "arise" in the same sentence as "Naomi Campbell....

But anyway, it is done. I have work to do. And the first coffee of the day (fasting) and a muffin to consume.

Actually I drank & scoffed those before I typed this. But you get the idea.

Today's random link is to David Slack's Island Life, because he's posted a picture that will satisfy your curiosity should you ever have wondered what John Key would look like with a Beatles' haircut.

Public Address | Island Life

Monday, December 18, 2006

Looking toward the space station

Nothing to see here folks...

Yoohoo yourself.

Look what's down under - Wellywood from space!

Fantastic picture.Yoohoo!

Now, there are two reasons I believe this is a photoshopped fake:

1. The spacewalkers are suspiciously all oriented the same way & upright - folks, believe me, space isn't like that! Not the last time I was there anyway.

2. The pictures suggest that at some stage recently, the weather was lovely over Wellington.

I rest my case.

Look what's down under - Stuff.co.nz

Scurrilous gossip - Ridgey & Loos woman.

I think we've covered some of the exploits of Ms Loos before on this blog (but I can't be arsed looking previous posts up), but essentially:

Uber-slapper who somehow scored the job of PA to Lord David Beckham & then scored the man himself. And got caught by Lady Posh Spice.

In her career highlight to date, she appeared on UK TV in a low rent reality TV show & jerked off a pig. Commentators claimed she looked like she knew what she was doing. The pig, engrossed in a post coital cigarette, made no comment.

Anyway, read the latest, Ridgey's allegedly a class act.

Ridge's ex speaks out over Loos - Stuff.co.nz

More photos here...

Thursday, December 14, 2006

It's official, we're a 3rd world city

Hard on the heels of the gas outage that lasted for weeks earlier in the year, now I find that a critical part of the city (critical in this instance, means a part that I needed to use today) has had a major power cut. Power not expected to resume till near lunchtime.

No idea what the cause is, but here is how it has inconvenienced me...

I use an insurance broker. A non sequiteur? Possibly. Anyway, I'm all in favour of using brokers (I am one myself as it happens, but not for insurance) as you get independant (supposedly) advice & service.

Anyway, I'm beginning to suspect that our broker shuffles me between policies every few years in order to renew & increase his commission. And that's because he frequently suggests I chop & change for no apparent reason (he cites advantages to me - I see inconvenience usually.)

Also, this may be hard to envisage, my broker looks & sounds like a pony-tailed, Elton John spectacle wearing, Paul Holmes. Scary.

Anyway, the latest is that I need to up my life insurance policy & he has just the one for me. But it requires that I go give some blood.

I hate giving blood. And you have to fast. And for fuck sake, this is Christmas!

So anyway, I've already had the deadline for my "bloods" lapse once, & received a stern wagging of the pony tail & Holmes voice lecture, and I have promised to go do it soon.

And so today, fasted, slightly less wined than usaul the previous evening... I headed up to the Terrace to get my fucking "bloods" done. On the way I wondered about the throngs that lined the footpaths. Then I entered the building which houses the clinic, and it was all pitch black.

"Power cut" said some guy coming past me, "All up the Terrace".

So somewhat pissed off I started to head back to work. Then I changed my mind figuring how much power does a blood test need & so I went back.

I climbed the stairs in the darkness to the first floor. A woman with a torch was wandering back & forth along the corridor. I asked where the blood test place was & she told me that it was along the corridor, but there was a wait as they were doing people one at a time. I asked how long will it take?

"A while"

"How many people are ahead of me?"

"Half a dozen or so"

"How long does each person take?" (thinking that this is like getting blood from a stone & why do they need me here in that case"

"5 to 10 minutes"

"I'll wait"

I followed her back in, and the clinic was in total blackness. She waved a hand at a corner that was pitch black & told me to take a seat.

I could see no seats, and as I edged closer I could hear people snickering. Fearing I was going to sit on someone's lap I asked if anyone was there. More snickering.

I sat in the first empty seat I could feel, and even at this stage I had no idea how many other people were there.

I left, bought a muffin & a coffee & returned to my sun drenched office, which has power.

Chances are slim now that I will make the new deadline for my "bloods". Fuckem.

Power outage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Rabid letters to the editor blogged...

This deserves passing around - if you're an avid reader of letters to the editor of the DomPost & other Wellington publications... you may have come across Ronald Smythe of Mt Cook, and H Westfold of Hataitai. Well someone has gone to the trouble of publishing their letters to sundry media organs, on a blog.

And they're very funny.

I was interested to note, from his letter in your May 24 issue, where he spouts his usual heathen rot prompted by my letter of May 3, that Mr Hare the village atheist hasn’t yet gone to the Devil who prompts him in the first place!

I call him by that term because his writings against Christianity and the Bible are on that level of polemics – I’ve long known he lives in the city of Lower Hutt, thank you.

What has happened to the youth of today? | the wellingtonista

Hat Tip to Alan at Halfpie, who somehow came across this blog.

Are You Up For The Perfect Job?

I've seen a few jobs in my time, which scream for the perfect applicant:

Quality Controller - Cadbury's Chocolates, comes to mind. All the chocolate you can eat?

FHM magazine once claimed that the perfect job was "Orgasm tester", but they didn't supply a job description.

And closely related perhaps, Durex are calling for sexually active volunteers, "with the right attributes" to test their condoms, just in time for the summer holidays.

I presume that "with the right attributes" means having something to put the condom on... but I could be wrong. Maybe it just means willing to shag an awful lot to give the product a proper "road test". Who knows?

In fact, if they could get enough female volunteers too, they could speed the testing up - just give all the volunteers free run of some appropriate venue for a couple of weekends & collate the results.

I see no mention of remuneration... that'd be the gig right? "Professional Condom Tester" on your business card... and the census form... or how about that perfect part time job to support the studies? I imagine the folk at Student Job Search are getting restless right about now...

Durex wants applicants for condom testing - Stuff.co.nz

and also...

A whole year of positions... brought to you by your next employer.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Warning: Some scenes my disturb young & or etc....

Nah, just kidding. I did consider taking photos, but in the end there was nothing much of interest.

We penned the new, suspicious & untamed sheep in about 5 minutes. RESULT! This IS unusual. Our existing two sheep, well versed in being penned by a bunch of amateurs... were having none of it & eluded us. But hey, it wasn't their day in the sun & so we cared not a whit. The two old boys did come running up to the pen to see what was going on though.

Our shearer guy turned up, cast an experienced eye of the new ewes & said "Shit, who sold you these ancient bags of bones...?"

And so I told him. Turns out that the mother of the rams is the ancient one, the other one is more diplomatically, middle aged. And so I was slightly shafted by Richard from Waikanae, who not only palmed off two rams on an ignorant city slicker, but also their toothless mother.

Oh well. At least she'll see her remaining few years out peacefully. And moneywise, I'm still ahead, so he caused me just a little bit of stuffing around to get where I wanted to be in the first place.

The placing of the rings over the tails & goolies, was anticlimactic. The guys seemed pretty unconcerned, occasionally they displayed a few signs of minor discomfort, but no bleating, no obvious distress. After they'd been released back into the paddock, they sat a while in the shade, then joined their very skinny mother (she'll put weight on again now she's been sheared, and may well have a few more years left in her yet) in a big patch of clover.

I'm pleased to have this sorted.

Wether lambs - or not?

Friday, December 08, 2006

Walking Wounded

For the 2nd time in as many months, last night I walked home through the Botanic Gardens with Wilma, past many concerned looking people, covered in blood (well reasonably bloodied anyhow).

I really must start carrying something. Like bandages perhaps, although some tissues would be useful, to help with my sundry mishaps.

The first time was when I was playing with Wilma & one of her pals, a mad little staffy called Havoc, throwing a stick for them to chase, and at one point, both Havoc & I lunged for the stick at the same time. I got the stick, Havoc got my thumb. Yow!

It was just a little puncture, but I dripped blood for ages, having nothing to wrap around it.

Last night, circumstances, a thrush & Wilma, conspired to see the heavy end of a retractable leash wrenched from my grasp & wrapped around a shrub. A further wrenching, just as I was bending down to secure the leash, and by association, a bird chasing dog, saw the heavy leash whip out from around the shrub, travel approximately 3 feet through the air & connect at high speed at precisely where my nose meets my upper lip. The thrush got away.

Damned lucky I didn't lose or chip a tooth, or break my nose. And of course I thought "Oh yeah, I promised myself I'd carry tissues from now on... pity..."

And so once again I trooped through the gardens covered in blood, alarming the locals, who averted their eyes at the sight, until I could find a tap to at least recover some semblance of dignity.

I only mention this because my nose started bleeding again about 30 minutes ago. Well, not my nose as such, more the cut right below it...

Meanwhile - what's going on at Trivial Pursuit? No update since August, then yesterday, the whole site appeared in my RSS feed & on investigation the only difference I could see was that comments have been disabled. Then again today, a post from March appeard on Bloglines...

Watch this space I guess.

Trivial Pursuit

The Unspoken (Godwin's) Law of Shaving Moustaches

Is there any man since the 1930s who has not followed the ritual pictured at the end of the below link when shaving off his moustache?

ChCh-Changes: Movember - the moustache disappears

Cheers Mike

The Unkindest Cuts of All...

Being of the male persuasion, I have to confess that the topic of castration does not sit that well with me - although since it's not me being castrated it is something else that won't be sitting well for a short while.

But somethings just have to go & I have just arranged with our local shearer to pop around this weekend, shear a couple of ewes that need it, and dock & castrate the little rams that I inadvertently purchased from a farmer who advertised ewes & ewe lambs for sale, and who then sold me two rams without mentioning it. And it didn't occur to me to look. Anyway, I haven't complained becuse he DID sell me the two lambs for the price of one, and even having to pay the shearer guy will still see me come out ahead.

Docking, in case you're not a real kiwi, is where the tails are removed to prevent fly strike later in the sheep's life.

And these little fellas will be getting the deluxe treatment - tails & testicles.

There are various ways to affect these alterations in your livestock - I'm not entirely sure, but I suspect our guy will be using the little rubber bands that are stretched over the "bits", and which form a kind of tourniquet. In a day or two the offending "bits" drop off. Wilma won't be around to profit from the event, I'm assuming some local seagull will score bigtime over the next few days.

Doesn't the very thought make your eyes water? If not, I suggest you click on the link below & scroll down to the pictures of the medieval implements that are available for the task... and then tell me it didn't bring tears to the eyes. I'm not sure I ever want to own a tool that calls itself "The Emasculator"...

Anyway, I note in this page that it suggests the procedure take place in the first 7 days of the lamb's life - other sites I have looked at tell me it should be done before they're 6 weeks old - we will just scrape in this weekend within the 6 week deadline.

And I'm informed that the pain lasts for maybe 15-20 minutes max. I'm not looking forward to the noise they'll make in that 15-20 minutes...

Anyway, sometimes a man's just gotta do what a man's gotta do, or pay another man to do. I console myself that it must surely beat the meatworks.

Sheep 201 - Docking and Castrating

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Help Fight Gnomelessness!

Arched Gnome HomeCool prezzie alert - Locally made Gnome Homes & Gnomaloos. Hand cast by a master blacksmith in the Hutt Valley (who also does a good line in Roman Armour, and let's face it, who doesn't like parading around in Roman Armour?, and a few other ideas he's working on which I'll report on when they come to fruition, but which must remain under wraps for now so as not to give away his ideas to competitors.)

Even Gnomes have to go.I just got a couple of Gnomehomes & matching Gnomaloos for my nieces, they also come, I'm told, in camouflage colours for the boys, and in various combinations - Gnome Village, and the bulk pack which I guess could constitute a Gnome City.

You can get them through this site, or by emailing Murray (click on the little Murray figure for the email link), or through numerous retail outlets, including Christopher's Crystals in Cuba Street.

Welcome to www.gnomehomes.co.nz

Star Boating Club “Row-A-Thon" - Fri/Sat | the wellingtonista

Star Boating Club “Row-A-Thon" - Fri/Sat | the wellingtonista

Monday, December 04, 2006

Today's Eva Green News

I came to this wikipedia page via a circuitous route...

Watched The Dreamers this weekend - which is the perfect movie for all those who want to see more of Eva Green. Lots more. All in fact. Lots more than you'll see in Casino Royale.

And I went looking for a review of it & came to Wikipedia, along with a bunch of other links.

So that promised news:

1. She's been cast as Serafina Pekkala (hot, broom riding, witch) in the movie version of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials. Yay!

2. She's dating Marton Csokas, probably best known for playing Leonard on Shortland Street. Good score Leonard! Although to be honest, I thought you batted for the other team. NTTAWWT.

Eva Green - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia