And headlines that don't...

91-year-old German glued to roof - Stuff.co.nz

Cries out for a YouTube clip though.

Headlines that say it all... # 1

Matador's chances of fatherhood hurt by goring - Stuff.co.nz

Presumably it's an occupational hazard.

Mmmmm...rebecca singh...

I note she's back on TV3. We really don't see enough of her.

tv3's rebecca singh at the bollywood dance competition | Asia New Zealand Foundation | Asia NZ

Hell, put her on Celebrity Treasure Island & I might tune in...

Britney finds love in rehab

Britney calls him Mr Secret Underground Guy and J-Sun.

Britney finds love in rehab - Stuff.co.nz

Let's be honest here guys, she really calls him "Jason" right?

Mess with your doctor's mind #1

Urine sample required? May I suggest that 4 hours before the sample is... delivered... you take 2 multivitamin pills, eat half a kilo of asparagus & wash it down with a litre of beetroot juice.

That should do it.

Do not be alarmed by the colour & odour of the sample. Tell your doctor that you fasted as per instructions.

But confess to the jape before surgery occurs.

nicky watson topless - Google Search

No. 2 for this one, which probably accounts for more hits on this site than all other google searches combined.

nicky watson topless - Google Search

sandra oh looks like bull terrier - Google Search

Well. Seems I'm no. 1 for that particular search. Where do they get them from?

sandra oh looks like bull terrier - Google Search

All Spice Girls agree to reunion

Obviously Posh & Scary need the money for clothes that fit.

All Spice Girls agree to reunion - Stuff.co.nz

Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.

Isn't that a neato tagline. I caught up with Heroes last week, all the episodes so far. ANd I'm hooked.

Although I haven't the faintest idea what's going on beyond the broad brush - ordinary people are waking up with superpowers & spurning lycra (so far anyway). We have a cheerleader who can't be killed, a Japanese tourist who can travel in & manipiulate time & space (without a tardis!), a congressional candidate who can fly, and an online stripper with super strength & fighting ability, amongst many others.

And somehow they have to save the cheerleader to save the world.

It's cute. And let's hear it for Ali Larter in a thong!!

The other appointment viewing I caught up with was Life on Mars. This concerns a 2006 British detective, Sam Tyler (John Sim) chasing a serial killer, who gets run over while listening to David Bowie on his car stereo & wakes up in 1973 where he finds he is a policeman investigating an eerily similar killer, and STILL listening to David Bowie on the car stereo... can he catch the baddie in 1973 & save his girlfriend in 2006? Is there life on mars?

Sam also has moments when the future intrudes on his consciousness, so that we & he suspect that it's all a dream & he's actually in a coma in hospital. Although the show plays with us sometimes & these voices & noises have valid 1973 reasons for being audible to Sam.

The really fascinating thing about this series, is that our man appears to have woken up in the middle of an episode of the Sweeney. And if we needed anymore reminding that policing a few decades ago was a different kettle of sexist, racist, corrupt & low tech fish... this series provides it. Although it's not as black & white as that, anyone who fondly pines for the old days will find that these sexist, racist dinosaurs do have some redeeming features.

Oh, and the music is great.

Wanda Harland: Martha at Webstock

Ouch! A Must See Video

Hat tip to Spare Room again. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so much.

Spare Room » Ouch!

Wow! Stuntcasting at its finest.

Mills may play Poppins onstage - Stuff.co.nz

That's Heather, not Hayley.

Out of the night....

When the full moon is bright...
Comes a horseman known as Gorro
This bold renegade
Carves a G with his blade
A G that stands for Gorro

Al Gore, liar and now hypocrite | Whale Oil Beef Hooked

It's obvious!

The Clintons know that Americans might be ready for a black or female president (say, Condi... up to anything next election?) but won't vote for a fat one, and so they are watching Al Gore closely for any signs he may have joined a gym.

Gore knows this, and so has built a state of the art gymnasium in the naturally formed limestone catacombs beneath his Nashville Mansion (which was bought from the Wayne family some years ago) complete with olympic size heated swimming pool, solarium & sauna. And assorted pinball machines because Al's always liked pinball machines.

At some stage, the buffed & tanned El Gorro will don black mask, sword & cape & ride out onto the election trail on his faithful steed Gorenado (who during the day is in charge of fertilizing the grounds).

Corby to serve sentence at home

Please sir, can I have my boogieboard back?

Corby to serve sentence at home - Stuff.co.nz

Is this for real?

Maybe the photos are deceptive, but they look like an unlikely couple.

Teacher-student affair all over the internet - New Zealand Herald

The letter E

That title automatically appeared when I hit the BlogThis button. I kind of like it & so it shall stay.

I haven't seen Elektra, the Jennifer Garner Daredevil spinoff... but Vern has, and has assumed for the sake of argument, that it is a Carmen Elektra biopic...

Who knew she was a ninja assassin?

The OutlawVern reviews Elektra

What we need right now!

Maybe it's because like Martha, I've recently been attending to taxation matters, and before I get onto the meat of this post, let me just say that IRD are my friends!

Yes, friends. They contacted me not so long ago (one of those occasions that I have read David Slack describe, in his case referring to being scowled at by the Prime Minister, as "scrotum tightening"). But lo! They had rung to say that some years ago, we had overpaid our PAYE & they were ringing to ask what did I want them to do with upwards of $1500 that rightfully was mine!

Of course, I said "Give it all to Dr Cullen. He knows best what to do with it."

BWAHA! As if.

So anyway, for no particular reason, other than I was perusing the news, which offers lots of candidates for what I'm about to propose... and Martha's taxation rollercoaster, which has no relevance other than tax & stuff makes me really restless & bored... and I thought that what this town could do with right now, fire bans permitting, is a good old fashioned Effigy Burning.

How long since we had a good one of those? Have we ever?

I'll offer that I can think of 3 people right off the top of my head whose effigies would look pretty good perhaps, blazing on a punt or something, out in the harbour. Or effigies, (and isn't that a wonderful word) representative of the cast of Grey's Anatomy? Or...

...I'll take suggestions & pass them onto the Effigy Burning Sub-Committee of the council.

Wanda Harland: The rollercoaster of tax

Dancing with the Stars lineup confirmed

I knew there were more than 6... the last two in the lineup have been announced, and they are... (drumroll please, and the envelope...)

FRANK BUNCE and MEGAN ALATINI

Woohoo!!

Watch Buncie carefully, he's notorious apparently, wasn't he knobbing one of his Celebrity Treasure Island co-stars? A co-celebrity that ironically, I either can't remember or had never heard of in the fist place.

Anyway, should be interesting to see who he's paired with. I presume Nerida is off limits, so he'll be gagging for Krystal or Rebecca.

On that note, does anyone else think that d'Artagnan would be the most appropriate for Michael Laws?

Dancing with the Stars lineup confirmed -Stuff.co.nz

I'll be there....

Not so long ago, the radio played the theme to Baywatch. Everyone was astonished, gobsmacked, that I recognised it.

Not that I was a fan, or even in on whatever night it screened, but you'd have to have been on Mars or somewhere similar to have missed that music, and even the opening credits, being indelibly burned into your brain.

Anyway, one of the very best practical jokes I have come across involved Baywatch.

Way back in the day... that'd be the day when James Bolger had a steady hand on the country's helm... I worked at Parliament. And in those days, they had an emailed newsletter that got sent to everyone in the complex each day. I think they called it POLI, Parliamentary On Line Information (should probably have been POI, but I wasn't around to point that out when it started), which was the name of the unit I worked for, and so they should have called it POLI Newsletter (or POI Newsletter perhaps).

The newsletter was a public forum for POLI users to make announcements and/or requests. Typically you'd have the Bellamy's menu for the week, complete with healthy heart ticks where appropriate, some guff perhaps about staffers getting engaged, married, retired, etc, and there would be a few please "Did anyone tape last Wednesday's Coronation Street, please contact... etc.

One day, I heard the laughing travel around the office as people opened & read their POLI Newsletter. And I did the same when I came across:

"Did anyone happen to tape last week's Baywatch? I missed it unfortunately & would love to borrow the tape for a few days, contact J--- S--- Ext XXXX or email."

The guy then proceeded to field poisoned emails for the rest of the day, and I believe, more than a few abusive phonecalls from those who had read his plea & disapproved of his viewing pleasure.

I emailed him to say that while regretfully I had not taped Baywatch, I did have the entire series of Xena Warrior Princess on VHS. Which was a lie as it happened.

The payoff was the next day, when the next POLI Newsletter included an apology from the man's PA, it seems that the day prior had been his birthday & his devoted PA took the opportunity, when the hapless fellow went to the bathroom without logging off, to sit at his PC & compose his heartbreaking plea for slow-mo Pammy footage.

The laugh that went around as that one was read was even louder than the day before.

A Dog's Life

She's not actually allowed 1) in the bedrooms and 2) on the furniture.

And she knows it.

Pretty Green!

My favourite colour.

A few things to reinstall, obviously.