3 Things I Wish I'd Never Said

1. (To 3 attractive women in a bar) "So... which escort agency do you work for?"

Caused a riot.

2. (To a large lady blocking the footpath, who said "You can get round me, can't you?") "Probably, given half an hour & a motorbike?"

Public display of profanity.

3. (To a traffic officer who introduced himself as "Bill Orange") "Like the fruit?

Dissolved instantly, all sympathy to my plight.

By all means tell me your moments in the sun.