Parking fine.

We've been parking on our new car deck for a couple of weeks now. It is very nice not having to scour the neighbourhood for a vaguely legal space. It still looks like a construction site, but all systems are go.

We're in a cul de sac, which unfortunately (only in this regard, mostly it rocks) leads to a major tourist attraction & commuter passage to the CBD. Which means our cul de sac fills up each weekday morning with cars owned by tourists, which is understandable, but more irritatingly, by commuters who swoop in each morning to park their cars for the day & gain lazy access to town.

Often, they have residents' stickers, but they reside at the other end of our suburb. These guys piss me off. But no longer!

Except that a lot of these folk don't seem to have noticed that now there is a bona fide driveway where there used to be a residents' park. So the bastards park there anyway, regardless of whether they're locking our car in. Or out. It defies belief. We're getting really good at writing nasty, yet economical notes outlining our course of action should they do this again.

What's particularly galling, is that we went out of our way to be considerate. Outside our house was parking expansive enough for 3.5 cars. We went to some pain & trouble to ensure that our driveway eliminated only 1 park leaving plenty of space for 2 on one side, and a small gap that half a car might be able to park in if you had say, half a car to park.. We also had to negotiate access between 2 very large & magnificent trees, otherwise I'd have been tempted to only take away the half a car park.

But still morons think they can park their huge vans, SUVs, saloons... you name it, in the half space seemingly oblivious to the fact they've just parked right across our legal access too. Some just park neatly across our driveway entrance, obligingly leaving the half space in front of a tree empty.

I found the Wellington City Council to be very helpful in providing a solution. I rang them & logged a call asking could they come and remove the white "L" parking line, and paint another in the appropriate place? I also mentioned that broken yellow lines might be nice. I figured this way too, I'd find out for sure if Darth Sidious Architects really did lodge & receive the appropriate permissions for drive-on access that I know I have paid for... and it seems so.

I was told that the "L" lines were easy to arrange, but all sorts of consents & permissions were required from another agency to get yellow lines approved. I said if she had a look, I'd accept her judgement.

She rang back a couple of hours later & said she'd logged the request for both "L" lines & yellow lines. Yahoo! And they'd hopefully be implemented by Christmas. Our neighbours will also be pleased, because the yellow lines will extend across their driveway too.

In a way I feel like a mean & rotten local resident looking out for himself at the inconvenience of others. But only in a very small way. Now & then. Mostly I think "Suck on that. Park outside your own home dickhead."

Airlines discriminate against men.

Yes. All the time. Pass me another Tui.

Everyone's blogged their indignation at this one. The Whig even compared Worsley to Rosa Parks... I've expended enough energy tapping comments into their comments fields I figured I ought to put the story in perspective.

The nasty old airline asked this man to change seats. Boo fucking hoo.

Anyone who has sent an Unaccompanied Minor (UM) off to scattered parts knows the airlines have had this policy for years. They usally put the UMs up the back of the aircraft near the flight attendants. I believe they prefer it if the children don't sit next to adult passengers at all, male or female.

I'm pretty happy with that policy.

This flight must have been pretty full if he wasn't offered an upgrade to business class. Or maybe the whiner was so obnoxious they didn't feel inclined.

If it'd been me I'd have thanked them profusely for seating me somewhere other than next to a shitty kid. It's possible I'd ask to be moved if they didn't offer first.

While the odds of a random male passenger being a molestor must be pretty low, as a parent, I think the assured safety of a child vastly outweighs a trifling inconvenience to an adult. The airline will be covering itself too, the UMs are in their care & I daresay a lawsuit from an aggrieved parent is something to be avoided. So too, the chance that a child will accuse an innocent adult of molestation.

And as for getting The Eradicator involved... what's more "politically correct", ensuring the safety of a minor? Or ensuring the dignity of a random male passenger?

Or let me put it this way instead:

This is political correctness gone mad.

Are we unable to take steps to safeguard children without fear of offending someone who is barely inconvenienced?

Ban on men sitting next to children

This week's movie (so far) Bride & Prejudice

I have this theory that every film director of Indian descent secretly wants to make a Bollywood musical. A couple of years ago I was charmed by the spectacular Monsoon Wedding, which while not strictly speaking in the style of a Bollywood film - ie, it's not strictly speaking a musical - does feature a lot of music and dancing in the Bollywood style. And it is gorgeous to look at, both in terms of the cast, and the colourful costumes.

This week, Chez Llew hosted a screening of the Jane Austen inspired Bride & Prejudice, directed by Bend it Like Beckham's Gurinda Chadha, and featuring both former Miss World Aishwarya Rai, and Stuey from Shortland Street. And we enjoyed it immensely. And I had to laugh, as halfway through, Mrs Llew declared it ws "OK, but it seems to be riffing Pride & Prejudice a bit." And when I mentioned that was the point, she brightened up with "Oh, that explains the title, and why Stuey is called Mr Darcy!" So that's OK then.

Although I should mention here, that neither of us has ever been familiar with Shortland Street & so we really should refer to the ex-pat Kiwi who plays wealthy American William Darcy, by his real name, Martin Henderson.

Stuey does OK actually, he's a bit stiff at first, but loosens up along the way, and maybe that's the point. Meanwhile, the rather plain Miss Rai (just joking! She could stop traffic) positively glows. And sings and dances.

I mean, I won't go into the plot in any depth, you're all familiar with the source material right? And Stuey does not emerge from the water in skintight pants. Sadly, neither does Rai. And in fact, that reminds me, there is one scene where all the young attractive cast travel to an Indian resort that Stuey is thinking of buying, and the mother says "It's a good opportunity for him to see her in a swimsuit!" And maybe he did. But we didn't. What a swizz.

Ok, that might be a bit confusing, as the mum wasn't talking about Aishwarya & Stuey anyway, so maybe I'd better explain the plot.

Balraj Bingley (the English patient's Naveen Andrews) travels to Amritsah in India, to be best man at a wedding, he takes along his mate William Darcy. There, they meet the Bakshi family, and in particular the stunning Bakshi daughters, whose mother, the awesome Nadira Babbar, would like nothing more than to have each of her brood marry a wealthy, loving, Indian man. In particular, she is very keen that Balraj hook up with her eldest Jaya (Namrata Shirodkar, running Aishwarya a close second in the looks department)

Meanwhile, Darcy & second eldest daughter Lalita (Rai) meet & hate each other. She's proud, and he's prejudiced, geddit?

Oh, and there is an oily villain. And an even oilier, yet funny, comic relief looking for a hottie Indian bride (whose resemblance to so called comedian Mike King provides almost as much amusement as his nerdy, needy Indian Schtick).

That's all you need to know, unless you know the rest anyway, the course of true love never goes smoothly & requires quite a few energetic & colourful singing & dancing moments. Mercifully, Stuey isn't required to partake. However, in the opening number Naveen Andrews is impressive. In all subsequent numbers, the Bakshi girls are even more impressive. I defy you not to tap your feet along with most of the music.

The locations (god, even London!) give the cast a run for their money too, the film was shot in and around the Golden Temple of Amritsar, Goa beaches, the London Eye , the Colorado Canyon and Santa Monica Beach in California.

Well worth a look, light, energetic, foot tappingly exuberant, and spectacular. Way to go Stuey!

Bride and Prejudice - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

For the man (or woman) who has everything....

New Zealand's source for oddstuff - strange, weird & bizarre news on Stuff.co.nz: Website offers Saddam uniform for sale

Christmas Spoilers Ahead.

Should you be family, for instance, & wanting to keep as a surprise for the day, the gifts waiting under the tree at SunnyO for your children....

Although I have canvassed widely for ideas & nothing will really be a surprise.

So the mission: You have half a dozen or so nephews & nieces all under the age of 10, but all (someone correct me if I'm wrong) over the age of 4. (this is not counting Mrs Llew's nephews & nieces, who range in ages between 4 & 34, and number in the dozens.

Xmas this year will be hosted at the one & only, world famous SunnyO. The weather should be scorching, it last rained there in 1984. However just in case, there should be some accommodation for indoor activities.

There will be approximately 35 people present, representing 4 generations of family.

My first urge each year, is to be a real bastard & get all the kids noisy presents. Drums, bugles, tambourines, you name it. Then I come to my senses & remember that that would only open me up to revenge giftings in the future. So I put that thought aside quickly, though reluctantly.

My 2nd thought this year, was that what we really need is something the kids can share, and play with outside without us having to supervise them overly, because in time honoured tradition, we'll be on the deck getting seriously pissed. In the end, though, a small quad bike, and power tools failed the test... mostly because of the cost.

So, after much research, questioning of sales people, soul searching, and cruising discreetly past the decorative Jessica in the Jane Daniels section of floor 2 (see the last post) the truly fabulous Kirkcaldies have a small selection of outdoor games & toys. the most impressive of which is the Garden Chess Set. One of the most wonderous things about this set is how they pack the whole lot into something the size of a winebox.

However, none of the kids, and few of the parents play chess. So I have started my Christmas shopping with the purchase of the Garden Noughts and Crosses, and Garden Pick Up Sticks. Sure to be winners.

That was last week. Today, I retraced my steps again, disappointed that Jessica wasn't there, and chose the 38 inch, Monarch Butterfly kite, made from rip stop nylon & fibreglass. You can't go wrong with a kite. They also had a kites shaped like a racing car & a biplane, but in the end I decided best to keep it simple. Kites tend to last about 30 minutes in my experience. Fortunately, should the worst happen, we have several kites already at SunnyO.

And that's as far as I've got. I have gifts to find for one more little girl, and some also for a trio of boys belonging to my cousin.

Although I am seriously considering getting a big paddling pool. Not only will the kids love it, but so will Wilma. It would seem unfair to gift that to any one kid, as I expect everyone of them will be piling in on it, and it'd be rotten if someone, or some dog, killed it.

I'm taking suggestions for the other gifts though, should you have some brilliant ideas.

Oh, and in case it rains... I will supplement the primary gifts with books, and activity packs.

Lord, I have not sinned enough!

SunnyO: Lord, I have sinned!

So, someone called Su from nnyo.blogspot.com accuses me of being scared eh? So after I clicked through to see that nnyo.blogspot.com doesn't exist... I went shopping (more on that later).

Then a thought occured to me (I am not so fast at times...) Su nnyo.blogspot.com. Holy shit! My own blog is calling me a pussy! Or did I post that comment myself & then blank it from my mind?

Now, so full of self doubt.

Scared? It cannot be.

But thinking about it... in a way I am scared, or wary anyway. Hence the thin veil of anonymity. I'm not wary of giving people the wrong impression, I'm wary of giving people the right impression.

There are things I have experienced in my life that I do not regret, but they are private. They might also have been illegal :) Or at least, frowned upon. And so rather than expose myself to shallow judgement, I'll keep them to myself. Or at least myself & the small number of people who may have experienced those events with me. To share them would be either boastful, or, well actually, pretty much just boastful. And uninteresting to anyone else.

They're my business, in other words.

Anyway...

Lust: Yes, I've done lots & lots of lusting. Some of it successful, some of it unrequited. I still lust, although I am happily married now & content not to convert those random lustful thoughts to action. Also, I am middle aged, and have no intention of making myself look ridiculous. But if anyone wants to know some good places around Wellington to inspire some good, solid lustful thoughts, email me for directions.

Gluttony: I thinkl I covered that one sufficiently in the last post.

Sloth: Ditto. Although I rarely seem to have the time for serious, competition level slothing these days. But it is a native talent.

Pride: Here's where we get sketchy. In fact, I think this is a pretty average mortal sin really. I'm proud of lots of things, but that's not the same thing.

Envy: Probably the only really serious envy I have mustered would involve some of the lustees & those who got, er.. favoured that weren't me. Otherwise, I'm pretty well sorted for material goods. Although I do envy my friend who bought the first DVD hard drive that I ever saw.

Cripes, don't make me have to go look up the other two sins!

Oh yeah...

Wrath: I'm a pretty level headed guy & have been described as unflappable. That said, as previously mentioned I have lost my rag on a couple of occasions, often with tradespeople or corporations telling me they can't do something I think would be very reasonable for them to do. I can only think of 3 occasions I have lost my temper like that.

Greed: The only real greed I can think of would more appropriately be covered under gluttony. Oh wait, I can kill two with one stone here - I am proud that I am not greedy.

There.

Should we give him the benefit of the doubt?

And presume they were all up there looking for someone's dropped contact lens?

Asian Invasion - Crawford In Da House

Happy Birthday!

Younger Brother, 40 yesterday.

SunnyO, 1 year old today.

Let's face it.

If I'm going to achieve the dream of being the best, most famous (yet teasingly anonymous), and highly paid (even slightly paid?) blogger in the world...

I'm obviously going to have to post something pretty good up here at some stage.

But hey, that's for next week right? Or next year, voting doesn't finish for a while after all.

Meanwhile, I'm going to have to do something serious about Christmas shopping for the troops. I've already made one expedition, but in time honoured tradition, blew most of my Xmas shopping budget on shirts for myself... (if anyone needs to know, Mr Llew is dressed by Messrs Rodd & Gunn).

I need some discipline obviously. And no, I'm not venturing into Vile File territory (she did it so much better), I mean some determination & commitment.

To that end I'm off to Kirk's in a moment, ostensibly to buy some toys for the young folk, but most likely to ogle some of the shop assistants & buy myself some new shorts to go with those shirts.

And no doubt, on the 23rd or so of December, I'll be out buying everyone else a bunch of obscure DVDs that I always wanted to see. That's the spirit of giving right?

NetGuide People's Choice Web Awards 2006

Tee hee....

No idea where this originally came from, but hat tip to Younger Brother, who turns 40!! tomorrow, for passing it on.

Lord, I have sinned!

Cheers Noizy.

Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. Which (if any) have you broken? Give examples.

Lust: Oh yes. I won't go into details, as some of those details (from long ago) involve people I have exhorted recently to vote for me :)

Gluttony: Tick

Greed: Probably.

Sloth: My god, I could sloth for my country! Gimme a couch & appropriate relaxants (not always necessaary), and an obscure DVD...

Wrath: Now & then. Not often though. Although once, when I was supposed to be looking after the helpdesk function for a friend of mine who owned a dating agency (long story) this moron called & got both barrels. I should blog that actually.

Envy: No doubt, although I can think of few occasions.

Pride: I'm black. And I'm proud.

I hate memes, so won't be tagging anyone, but feel free to have a go.

Man, is this a cool world or what?

Look! A second chance for you to Vote For Me (TM), but in a different competition no less!

Your chance for redemption! Alternatively, a chance for you to vote for yourself again.

The Weblog Awards: Nominations - Best Australia or New Zealand Blog

"Bribes paid for Leslie's release"

One young woman's struggle to become the hottest Australian in an Indonesian prison fails...

New Zealand, world, sport, business & entertainment news on Stuff.co.nz: Bribes paid for Leslie's release

Forgive me, is that heartless?

How about this then? Can we surmise that the bribes were paid by the "privileged offspring of Indonesia's elite" to ensure their names were not publicised?

Can we also uncharitably surmise what it was that a gaggle of Australian "lingerie models" were doing with these "privileged offspring of Indonesia's elite"?

Should we care?

Ooh... here are some pictures of Ms Leslie at work.

Oh, and update: Maybe I am being uncharitable in questioning her ah... profession... this wikipedia entry on her suggests she worked (as a model) quite a lot in South East Asia.

And... further update: Saw her in the middle of the media scrum on the news last night. Have to say, 3 months in an Indonesian prison would probably entitle anyone to a dignified return & a little peace & quiet, and the opportunity to do a few lines before having to endure that sort of scene. Even Kate Moss was allowed that right?

Brain drain 'to get worse'

New Zealand, world, sport, business & entertainment news on Stuff.co.nz: Brain drain 'to get worse'

I'm sorry, but this is a problem? Look, get rid of all those smart young bastards & pretty soon, I'm gonna be looking pretty damn clever.

A good plan has to be flexible. - Weekend & Campaign Roundup

And so it came to pass that the sandpit out back of the house was bordered by railway sleepers (let's not freak any artisans out by describing how I cut them to size, you'd never know, OK?), levelled, and declared ready for pavers.

A quick calculation of how may pavers were required, at $15 a pop was made based on My Plan (TM), and the amount of $900 was bandied about for consideration...

A minute or two elapsed before I & my in-house Home Improvement Consultant & Budgetting Planner agreed: Too Fucking Much.

So chances are, we will scrounge around for cheaper (or free) pavers, and liberally dot them around the area in question & surround them with some of the several tonnes of river stones that I have been quietly moving from where they were dumped a month or so ago.

But it'll be grand. And this way, it won't matter if my measurements & railway sleepers are out by a millimetre or two.

Meanwhile, on the campaign front... thank you all for your positive feedback, and votes so far. There's a long road to travel yet, and I am conscious, that much like the beneficiary of Amanda's attentions, I do not want to peak too early. Although let's all hope the experience is just as satisfying.

(I can't believe I stooped to that - although... I suppose it's Amanda who's doing the stooping - keep checking here though, in the last week of the campaign, should things be looking desperate, we might raffle Amanda off).

No such ministrations are required of you, my beloved readers, I'll be happy with your votes. And that of your family & friends. And pets - in fact, invite your pets to gmail so that they have their own email addresses & are eligible to vote.

I am proud to be your candidate in an election in which my chances of winning might be enhanced by my falling drunkenly down a flight of stairs. That's MY kind of gig.

Moments that suck, and moments to savour.

You've been sitting round a table with half a dozen friends for about 36 hours straight (not counting convenience trips) playing an elaborate boardgame based on the War of the Roses called Kingmaker. Fuelled by copious quantities of licit & illicit substances, the tides of war have waxed & waned in your favour, you have survived sieges, ambushes, plagues, storms off the coasts of Ireland & France, shipwreck, treachury, and the constant liability of a noble called the Earl of Scrope, but finally, finally, you have amassed a huge army of knights, serfs, mercenaries, mad Gauls & Celts... in and around the beautiful cathedral city of York, just one roll of the dice away from London & unseating the pathetic pretender who calls himself King of England.

You gather the dice with a triumphant flourish, the so-called King turns the next Event Card....

Plague in York.

There is a moment of disbelief - "Well fuck me with a wooden toilet brush!" , then denial, then several moments of downright acrimony.

Those moments suck.

So spare me such a moment, and the ensuing acrimonious posts, when the winner of the next Netguide Best Personal Weblog of the year is announced & vote here for Sunnyo.blogspot.com

On the flipside... there are moments when, for instance, you enter a fine drinking establishment in a little street off Courtenay Place, you have a beautiful, and scantily clad young woman of African American extraction wrapped closely around your person. The first punter who sees you inside the establishment is your recently ex-wife's brother. You manage to pry the young woman's thigh away from your face long enough to say "We're just good friends".

And bonus! Just a few months afterwards, you're at another fine establishment in the same area, this time with a beautiful blonde*, you find yourself standing next to your ex-brother-in-law once again.

Those are times for genial, and sincere, shit eating grins.

You can ensure that I will once again wear such a grin, by clicking here and... etc.

BTW: I really don't want to descend to muckraking in my campaign, but did you know those jokers over at NZBC voted for Peter Dunne in the last election?**

* who you subsequently marry.

** Possibly, there's no way we can be sure they didn't.

Vote for the wellingtonista too!

I mean, if you're looking for something worthy to vote for in the Lifestyle category.

Log in, and remember these two URLs:

Wellingonista.blogspot.com
Sunnyo.blogspot.com

the wellingtonista

That's what I want to see... optimism.

New Zealand, world, sport, business & entertainment news on Stuff.co.nz: Flu would fill morgues:

"Bodies are likely to be kept in cool stores if the soaring death toll from a flu pandemic outstrips the capacity of morgues."

Been meaning to link to this for a while..

Rest Area 300m - So There

Now our car deck is nearly working... I fancy me one of those signs for out the front.

And just 'cos I linked to this very fine weblog, does not mean it is OK to vote for DodderyOldFart, OK?

VOTE FOR ME!

Um... the "dweeb" I mentioned the other day...

Bloody hell, a non-existent blogger gets as many hits as me. Sniff.

About Town: Confessions of some dangerous minds...

And... Update!:

He may or may not live still...

I'd ask if anyone actually knows the guy, but really, I don't give a shit.

Further Update!:

The guy really does exist, About Town made his non-existence up for a wheeze.

It was a stunt. And folks, let's face it, stunts don't win awards (disclaimer: unless they are sustained stunts involving hot female librarians).

So Vote For Me!

Go on... you know you want to...

Look, go rent & watch Napoleon Dynamite, Election, Rocky, Field of Dreams, and hey, why not, A Fist Full of Dollars too.

Then come back here, refreshed, and alive to the possibilities afforded the noble underdog in this day & age, click on the link here, and vote for SunnyO.



Unconvinced? Here are some recent celebrity endorsements of this site.

"the ever-entertaining Llew at SunnyO" - David Slack

"one of the few I can rely on for daily entertainment." - Wanda Harland

"You are very nice for someone who is entirely nuts." - Ms Vile File

"How the hell did they actually get him off the toilet seat?" - Kowhaikiwi

"Is that really you? I was expecting a naked old man, or Jude Law. Google let me down again." - Ms Vile File

"I'm gonna admit it ... I always thought that sheep photo was a picture of a cow." - Mainlander Mike

"So looking forward to working with you darling." - Pussy Galore (link work unfriendly so omitted)

"Take it off! The people demand it!" - Joanna

"I'm a PMS day away from calling the council and SPCA" - Miss Seph

"Nicely written." - Mainlander Mike

"Brilliant" - Puntiki

"Those are some ugly dogs.... Phew.." - Puntiki

"I am still considering filling the hole with petrol, waiting a few minutes & then tossing in a match" - Llew

"Wow" - Heck

"I would not like that anywhere near my bits and pieces." - Hers

"yes she very good, rednecks like girls mn pretty colour things, she donts look very old," - Peter Quixote

"Thanks on behalf of the ladies, we appreciate the eye candy." - Wanda Harland

"Not safe for Jewish porn fans tho. Shouldn't porn at least try to be inclusive?" - David

"3 words. Too. Much. Time." - DC

"AMEN! TESTIFY!!!" - Che Tibby

"Are you sure you're not making this up?" - Alan

"Wow. I am constantly amazed at the new heights of idiocy that one can discover on the internet." - Miss Seph

"Bloomin' heck. It's all go in the capital city." - Caroline Morphess

"Gosh, it is like being there..." - Wanda Harland

"Something about Miss Lucy in that bikini does raise a smile in Miramar." - Miramar Mike

"is it just me or do those particular tradesmen look kinda gay? - NYC Girl

"I frightened the dog laughing so much at that one." - Caroline Morphess

"I wouldn't know really, I just fast forwarded through to the pole dancing...." - Llew

"There is probably a fetish web site for this sort of thing!' - David

"That is so weird." - Jessie

"...and chocolate salty balls." - Mr Reasonable

And just like that, she is gone!

I'd never noticed the countdown taking place at the top of the page, but it was counting down exactly one year from the day she was born. And now Ms File is off to parts unknown.

And how odd. A week ago I was considering doing something similar... now I've been pipped at the post.

The Vile File

Hurry back, we miss you already.

WTF movie of the week - Napoleon Dynamite

Were you the geekiest of the geeks at college? A misfit among misfits? Did you identify with Harvey Pekar's geeky friends in American Splendor? Did you think Revenge of the Nerds was slick Hollywood crap? Well, do I have the movie for you! Napoleon Dynamite!

In fact, I'm not even sure why I'm writing this as I don't think I can come close to describing it. But here goes.

Napoleon is a tall gawky maladroit in an American high school. He's the lowest of the low in the school social hierarchy. He's got a monotone drawl, and an arsenal of not very witty non-sequiturs. And a weird imagination... Meanwhile, his older brother makes him look normal. And let's not talk about the creepy uncle Rico who lives with them & sells something not quite identifiable door to door.

Then Napoleon meets & befriends new kid in school, Pedro, who while just as nerdy as him, has a moustache... Pedro also has the balls to ask Summer Wheatley, the most popular girl in school (think Hilary Duff, because Summer is played by Hilary's sister Hayly), to the prom. Summer refuses of course, so Pedro turns his sights on Debs, the girl Napoleon has been plucking up courage to ask, Debs accepts, to Napoleon's dismay...

Not only that, but Pedro decides to run for class president against Summer, and Napoleon agrees to be his campaign manager. They haven't a hope right?

This is as far away as you could possibly get from anything you can imagine really, it's cheap & cheery in the same sort of style as old John Waters films. The acting seems stiff, but after a while you start to think, actually, the acting is amazing! These guys are convincingly unlikable, uber-geeks. John Heder, who plays the title character, was apparently paid $1000 for his services. The movie grossed $40 million... I hope his agent holds out for more next time.

Well worth a look. You will either love it or hate it.

It's a rat-trap baby...

...and you've been caught.

Ok, mixing my Boomtown Rats & Stranglers references there. Had a lovely weekend, moving gravel from one side of the property to the other. As the truck driver warned, my two types were indeed gravel salad, but by being careful I'm managing to separate most of the round river stones off into their own pile. And the truck driver, did indeed manage to dump the stuff pretty much where we wanted it.

Unlike the mulch delivery guy, who this time was confident with the instructions we gave him. However, rather than choosing to put the truckload on the spot where the last lot clearly had been until now... he dumped it about 30 feet to the South, right on top of a poor little lemon tree that in its short life has endured indignities ranging from a close encounter with a ride-on mower, to two close encounters with sheep. We dug it back out & while a little worse for wear, it will survive. And it is supremely mulched (like, to about a depth of 5 feet).

The most exciting part of the weekend however, commenced when Wilma & I were taking our morning constitutional around the forest. There's a bit of a hole on one side which over the last few years I've been filling up with debris & stuff. I stepped across it that morning & noticed that the earth was somewhat springy. So I jumped up and down a bit to test it. Then I heard a sound behind me, which was so noticeable that it had to be Wilma coming to see what I was doing.

Except that when I looked around, it wasn't Wilma, it was a rat the size of a badger coming to take a look at whatever was using its home for a trampoline.

And I jumped about 10 feet back, doing my very best to channel Fred Flintstone... "Wiiillllmmmmaaaa!!!". While WIlma was no use at all, this noise & movement did startle the rat & it hared off into a toi toi.

So I left it there & went off to reflect & move gravel. I figure where there's one rat that size, there are probably lots more. War was declared.

An hour or two later I was back.... jumping up & down on the springy bit. And sure enough, out it popped to have a look. This time I had Wilma right beside me. And dependable hunting hound that she is... she didn't spot it, being more interested in some smelly stuff a few metres away. But the rat saw her & disappeared back undergound. Otherwise I think I might have been in trouble.

And so a visit to the Otaki metropolis was in order, and there I bought enough rat poison to kill a herd of buffalo, should one wander by. Big soap sized cakes of weatherproof rat bait. And a big punnet of rat pellets, in case this becomes a long drawn out campaign.

I've had major success in the past with killing pests by poking poison down their lair, so why should this be different? And that's exactly what I did, poked 2 cakes of soapy rat poison as far down the hole as it would go, then retired to let the occupants come to terms with their impending departure from this realm.

Now we wait...

Something sensible next, I promise

Sunnyo (the blog) is coming up to 1 year old in the next couple of weeks, and we're about to hit 20,000 visitors (that's about 50 a day, which is pretty dire I think, even dweebs get figures like that, or so they say in other people's comments fields).

So, like, tell your friends!. Especially if they're rich & influential & can get me a really high paying fun job. (Or if they're hot, that'd do).

But mustn't complain, quality is preferred to quantity & I am confident that you dear readers, are quality. And hot.

But is that any excuse to be giving away my best material? Which was emailed to me by my younger brother, whose real name is Mungo, in case you needed to know.

But one good turn deserves another & David sent me this, which is amusing.

The New Rules:

New Rule:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com. There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule:
Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule:
Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule:
If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule:
Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule:
There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some Jack Daniels over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule:
Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, he'll will be in the morgue.

New Rule:
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule:
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule:
Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule:
I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule:
If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule:
No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule and this one is long overdue:
No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule:
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.

UPDATE: These rules apparently come from 'Real Time with Bill Maher'. Thanks to Nick Eynon for (three) pointing that out.

WTF Movie of the Week

Imagine a big budget movie, replete with rather good (with one exception) CGI underwater effects, an amazing cast including Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Cate Blanchett, Willem Dafoe, Anjelica Huston, Jeff Goldblum, Michael Gambon. And hardly a laugh out loud moment to be had.

Oh, and did I mention that the soundtrack consists of David Bowie songs performed in Portugese? That's the weirdest bit really.

In fact, this movie follows the same pattern set by Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums, which also featured a terrific cast, but the only really funny performance was by Gwyneth Paltrow of all people.

In The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. Anderson's latest effort, the comedic moments are all stolen by Willem Dafoe, who plays a bizarre German sailor called Klaus, who wears a weird hat, and harbours a father fixation toward Bill Murray's titular Zissou. He's really funny.

The Life Aquatic is about sad sack Murray, playing Steve Zissou, a character very loosely inspired by oceanographer Jacques Cousteau (Cousteau may have invented the radio linked diving helmet, but Zissou first thought of piping dance music through them to keep the divers focussed).

Steve's down on his luck, and scraping together the funds to hunt down the (possibly) mythical Jaguar shark, which he thinks killed his long time partner on their last voyage. Dafoe is his first mate Klaus, aboard his Calypso like vessel, the Belafonte.

Owen plays Ned Plimpton, who may or may not be Steve's long lost son, Huston is his estranged wife (and also the ex wife of his arch oceanographic rival played by Goldblum, who for the record, is "part gay"), Blanchett is a pregnant reporter who everyone forms an attachment to.

The damned movie should have been hilarious, but somehow it isn't.

It looks great though, and has some fantastic shots, like the Belafonte crew emerging from the water with their matching wetsuits & glock handguns (preceded by the 3 legged dog, Cody, that they have inherited) on their way to rescue the "bond company stooge" from Filipino (shades of Sir Peter Blake) pirates.

So I dunno, take a look if it comes your way, but don't bother hunting it down.

Tempting fate

I haven't heard Snoopy's Christmas yet on the radio, nor in a shopping complex or shop.

High Definition TV & the end of Cinemas?

The cinema industry has been whinging at the downturn in cinema ticket sales for the last few years, and the advent of High Definition TV & DVD isn't going to help them.

Except, much like the VHS vs Beta wars of the 80s, a battle was looming between the two big HD formats, Toshiba's HD-DVD, and Sony's Blu-Ray.

According to James Berardinelli, who has the most impressive movie review site on the web (his latest book of reviews is out in the bookstores in time for Christmas too), that battle is over, pretty much before it even started. All thanks to Playstation 3.

James Berardinelli's ReelViews - Last Gasps, or the Format War that Wasn't

Random photos from not so long ago...

Colorado man glued to toilet seat

Beware of toilets in Colorado.

New Zealand's source for oddstuff - strange, weird & bizarre news on Stuff.co.nz: Colorado man glued to toilet seat

Quick show of hands

Apropos (how I hate that word, I can't believe I used it, but I was feeling lazy, oh, about 5 seconds ago) of nothing :)

I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse that blogging can be completely anonymous. I don't know if it's ethical to use your real name. Personally, I don't think it matters*

In fact, I think it's part of the charm that you can post anything up & it's pretty much unverifiable, so long as you're not trying to deceive people, or using the anonymity to attack someone. But then again, blogger allows anonymous commenting so it's always going to happen.

Anyway, quick show of hands:

Do really cool people slag off those less fortunate than themselves for being patently uncool?

Do real super-shaggers boast about it?

* But if you really care, my real name is Sven Magnusson. I am Svedish.

Planting for the future.

By golly, it was a busy & fruitful weekend. First off I mowed the back lawn, which has not been mowed for weeks & weeks & was lush, and long.

Then I spied the two small tomato plants that I'd bought a few weeks ago & had subsequently neglected. They looked dead.

But ever the optimist, I dug two black polythene planting bags out of the shed, filled them with compost (taking care not to immerse my head in the bag & inhale legionella bacteria, this is a useful tip for inexperienced gardeners - DO NOT PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE COMPOST BAG!), planted the young things & watered them liberally. By the next day they looked fully recovered.

Then I went down the back of the garden with a rubbish sack & started to pick up all the old beef bones that are now waaaay too gross to let Wilma gnaw on. While there, I found an old terracotta pot sitting there doing nothing. So I emptied it. And in doing so, discovered something wondrous, there was an old avocado pit in it which had sprouted!

Hah! I DO remember planting this a while back, the girls heaped scorn on me, sure that it would never sprout. And in fact that was about 2 years ago, so it's taken a while....

So I replanted it carefully into a new pot, with new compost, and once it is big enough, I'll be planting it out at SunnyO. As a mark of respect, I'll call it "Rod", and plant it out near the other plants that I have deferentially named "Nandor".

I'll be sprouting a few more pits in the near future, to much less scorn, I'm sure.

In other gardening news, I potted up 7 young karakas that had sprouted underneath our mature specimen, the next door neighbour will appreciate them to plant on her whanau's "Karaka Mountain".

And I inspected the latest water feature to suddenly & unexpectedly grace our property - deja vu - we're not sure once again if we're dealing with a spring (which are not unknown in our neck of the woods) or an old forgotten water main. I know it's not our actual watermain, because I can see that 6 feet up the side of the garden fence where it has been strung since the builders severed the pipe.

All very perplexing.

About Avocados - Grow Your Own Avocado Tree

Update on the spring. It is coming from the road side of the toby. So no doubt some nice men from the council will come & fix it soon. probably been leaking for decades.

Word of the week - A thick post on a ship or a wharf.

Bollard

Dictionary.com/bollard: "A thick post on a ship or wharf"

Although I'm plugging for a new meaning, and I need your help on this, use the word as often as possible and eventually it will enter the common vernacular.

When to use it:

1. A car cuts you off & nearly drives you & your family off the road. You stop, wind down the window & yell at the offending miscreant, "You fucking BOLLARD!"

2. Well you get the idea. Have at it.

NB: Leave no comments telling me the good doctor is only doing what he can for the benefit of the nation. I don't care. He's a bollard.

Rejoice! She is safe!

STUFF - STORY - Pania found - police interviewing person

It's selfish, I know, but I was kind of hoping they'd have to recast a new Pania & that there might be some sort of documentary perhaps, or even a reality TV show featuring a search for a suitable new model (I have some suggestions) and then some appropriately er... candid "making of" footage.

Aw cripes, while I'm posting then...

You know you need a 7 foot Robbie the Robot for Christmas.

Public Address | Island Life | Only While Stocks Last

Honestly, some of these things are priceless (except for the er... price).

Well spotted by the redoubtable David Slack

Hugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew...

...Tuffbert, Dibble & Grub.

I sincerely hope I'm not the only person whose mind is uselessly cluttered with songs & themes from old children's TV shows.

What was it? Camberwick Green? The stop-motion animated firemen who slid down the fireman's pole in time to the above recitation each week? I'm not even going to google it.

OK. How about:

Putty Puss, Musclemutt, Ding-Dong, Rhubarb, Sparkplug & Stutz,
Anybody doing the wrong thing,
Better watch out,
These cats are tough

Yeah, anytime there's a rumble out west,
Who do you call, you call the best,
And everyone knows it's simple as that,
'Cos the best in the west is...

HOUNDCATS!

Meanwhile, I used to get the Rupert Annual every year when I was a kid.

New Zealand's source for entertainment news, gossip & music, movie & book reviews on Stuff.co.nz: Rupert gets new home and shoes

And I once got an Airfix model of Fireball XL5 to construct.

Interest rates - I did my bit

The O'Finnegan boys (younger bro Roman, me & cousin Inglewood) were over at parliament just before, when we ran into our old mate the Hon. Dr Michael Cullen.

"How is life treating you, gentlemen?" he asked.

Just fine & dandy Mikey" I replied, "But bring interest rates down & it'll be treating me a whole lot better."

At this stage, the halls of the old parliamentary building resounded with decidedly uneconomic peals of laughter.

"Then stop spending" was his parting shot. Leaving me no time to reply that all my spending is on increased interest payments.

Faramir spanking?

Recent Keyword searches on this site...

Num Perc. Search Term
1 14.29% old naked men
1 14.29% faramir spanking
1 14.29% jude law
1 14.29% old pictures of naked men
1 14.29% naked pictures of men
1 14.29% instructions for origami cricket
1 14.29% jude law and sienna miller

I'm getting worried...

Depardieu ends film career, paper says

Somehow I can't imagine that playing Obelix, will be his swan song. Really.

New Zealand's source for entertainment news, gossip & music, movie & book reviews on Stuff.co.nz: Depardieu ends film career, paper says:

Looks more like...

...he's gearing up to play Saddam Hussein!

New Zealand's source for entertainment news, gossip & music, movie & book reviews on Stuff.co.nz: Gibson to shoot Mayan epic

Come on Mel, give us Mad Max 4.

Update to the school-drama-thon

There was a repeat performance on friday night. Toypurnia & I arranged for Marmosette to txt us when it finished & we'd come & pick her up.

"When it finishes... not after you've clowned around with the others & changed out of costume etc."

"Ok" she said, "But we might be a bit later tonight, we left a lot out of last night's performace & Mr B wants us to put it back in tonight".

So at around about 11pm on Friday night. Wilma & I found ourselves strolling down the road to pick up our star performer...

And then there were four.

So. Farewell
then

Plain sheep
We'll miss the way
you'd stamp your hoof

First when we got a dog,
then many more times
When we were slow with treats
Or otherwise irritated you

But you were the first
In for hand feeding
And penning
Plain the brave.
Who became Snowflake

I shed a tear
Because you were
in my care

I think you had
a pretty good life though

for a sheep.

The message was waiting for us when we got home on Friday. It was Master Tim, said T, one of the sheep is dead "Here, listen".

Tim had seen her on Thursday sitting by the water trough for hours, I think he must have thought something was up because he called out to her & she looked up & so he figured she was OK. But Friday afternoon, she was lying in the same spot, clearly dead. And just in case it was something in the water, or catching, he opened the gate & let the others out. Then he called us to offer to bury her. I said we'd be there the next morning & no worries, I'd bury her then. I also asked him which one? And it was one of the white sheep - either Pearl, or Plain, or Snowflake (there were only two white sheep, but there is some confusion about what we named them & which was which anyway*).

When we arrived, Wilma sprinted straight out to her - she was pretty smelly even after just one day. I dug a very deep hole beside her, dragged her in, then arranged her so she was lying in a dignified manner & covered her up. She's deep enough so that no-one will fined her by accident anyway. Wilma however, knows precisely the spot where she died, and also the spot where she is buried.

Could see no obvious cause of death. She wasn't flystruck, there was a bit of bloody foam at her mouth & nose, but I don't know if that is significant. We kept & will continue to keep a close eye on the others to make sure that whatever it was isn't catching.

She was probably around 6 years old, so not too young. I daresay before too many more years are gone, there'll be 4 more mounds out in the paddock somewhere.

So now a small dilemma. Do I replace her? They're not keeping up with the grass this year, but one bad winter & that could change. In addition, we're slowly landscaping & the paddock available to them is diminshing. Then again, the Forest O'Llew's days are numbered & that'll be paddock soon enough.

I'm thinking that I might get two more young sheep. That way they can eat off the existing grass, and chances are in 2 or 3 years we'll only have the two younger ones left. By then that might be the right number. If not, I can always get a couple more.

* Now, a short note on the names used in this blog. Some names are real, some are abbreviated, some are just plain made up. Given the gravity of the occasion, I can't really be arsed with remembering who is supposed to be who, so for one post only, here's the real, bone fida skinny on the cast of SunnyO:

It probably wouldn't be too hard to identify me, sifting through the clues & red herrings... but for the record, my real name is Phineas O'Finnegan. I was nicknamed Llew in my younger years, for much the same reasons Winston Peters was nicknamed "Luigi".

My wife, the lovely T, is Toypurnia, a raven haired, green eyed beauty of Native South American & Gypsy descent. Hot blooded, green fingered, and dances a mean tango. Plays AC/DC on the violin to relax.

Marmosette, our 13 year old daughter, is named after her great, great grandmother, who was French & reputedly a witch. She is academic, musical & sporty & will be a star.

Wilma is Wilma of Woburn. We believe she is the reincarnation of the legendary Bitch Queen of the Scavenger Clan. Honestly, if anything happened to the rest of us, I am confident she would survive & flourish. You just don't want her breathing on you.

Master Tim, really is Master Tim, he is our next door neighbour, a retired farmer, and was my Fencing Master. He is married to a kiwi born & bred farm girl named, like many in the part of rural New Zealand that she hails from, Mauritius. They have an amazing garden, and the largest compost bin in the Southern Hemisphere if not the world.

The sheep are/were Pearl, Plain (renamed Snowflake), George, Otto & Jazz. Pearl & Plain were named for knitting styles, then later, Toypurnia & Marmosette thought that was a bit mean & renamed Plain to Snowflake.

Pearl is buried near where I set the statue of Pania of the Reef last week.

Wholesomewear...

Proving that there is pretty much a market for everything.

Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour: The Alternative to the Bikini

Hat tip to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour

The 90 minute rule

Let's hear it for the 90 minute rule.

I see no reason at all why school drama productions should ever, in any circumstances, ever, (let me be clear here - EVER!!!) exceed a 90 minute running time. In fact, I would say even, that 80% of well made movies should never exceed 90 minutes either, but it particularly applies to school drama productions.

If this weren't M's last year at this particular school, I would be gathering a group of like minded parents (that would be all of them who were present for the 150 minute school drama production-a-thon last night) and getting a bunch of T-shirts printed which would say in very large letters "We're OUT OF HERE in 90 MINUTES & turning the power off when we go! Fuckers!"

Particularly liked the people at the back who clapped & cheered after the 3rd act & all got up to go... then sheepishly sat back down as they realised the start of act 4 was imminent.

I felt particularly sorry for the parents carrying sleeping toddlers as they sloped out at 10.30pm after a marathon that the school propaganda assured us would be over by 9.30pm.

And I fell extra particularly sorry for the people who have commited to go see tonight's performance too.

Truth is, it was slick & well acted. Very well acted actually, who knows, some of these kids may be household names one day. But it could easily have had an hour shaved off it. And some of them could have read their lines quicker. A lot quicker.

I remember the first one I went to some 3-4 years ago... it started 7pm, and at 8.30pm it ended. And just as I was girding myself to make a dash, the principal announced that they would take the opportunity to showcase some of the school talent, and we were subjected to another hour of very small kids playing pianos, guitars, singing inappropriate songs about sex & relationships... and I thought then, I really should mention one day, the concept of finishing one of these not just by the kids' bedtimes, but my bedtime also.

I should have. Too late now. But any of you guys (younger brother?) who have this sort of thing ahead of them - take my advice, attend one bloated performance & then put your foot down, the other parents will thank you in the long run.

Define Political Correctness please?

Like that old bogus exam sheet that went around in the days before the internet:

1. You'll find a box under your desk containing caustic soda, pencil lead, water, and electric batteries. Create life, you have 45 minutes starting now.

So what is a workable definition of Political Correctness? I have come across two this week - one from Shadow Minister in Charge of Political Correctness Eradication Dr Wayne Mapp, which suggests possibly that an awful lot of my attitudes to life, and my lifestyle itself might be deemed Politically Correct, although I don't think that's what he means.

"Political correctness: a set of attitudes and beliefs that are divorced from mainstream values." (gleaned from today's Hard News)

And this from Camille Guy's rather timely radio review in the Listener this week, titled "PC Plod"

"In the course of the discussion, emeritus professor Elizabeth Gordon said that PC had become a lazy term of abuse for anything you did not like on the Left."

On the flipside, this photo implies that sitting with friends in a London "Gentleman's" Club (although the woman is the er... "member"), might qualify as Politically Incorrect.

So then, friends & visitors to SunnyO, whaddya reckon?

Cellular

This one's quite a goodie! Kim Basinger sends her son off to school one morning, and then is immediately kidnapped by The Transporter, and her kid's nanny is killed.

Not only that, but she's locked up in some sort of garret & the transporter comes back in threateningly & smashes up the phone.

Except, and pay attention, this bit is really important, Kimmy is a science teacher! And before you know it, she's got broken handsets & wires all over the place & she's making random phone calls to strangers' cellphones to tell them she's been kidnapped & would they mind staying on the line & taking their cellphones into the police to help her out. Please. Also... like any good science teacher, she knows where the main arteries are in the human body. This knowledge comes in handy too.

And so what you've got, is this Phonebooth type deal whereby this young guy wholly concerned with getting back with the very getting-backable Jessica Biel, who's just dumped him, cannot hang up on Kim, or she, her kid & her husband are toast.

Phew... still with me?

This isn't quite a park your brain outside & enjoy yourself type of flick. For one thing, most of what they do with the cellphones is within the realms of possibility - and pretty much everything that could happen does, the battery runs low, they experience cross lines & at one stage there is a car chase purely to get hold of someone else's (an arsehole lawyer in a porsche) phone to whom the signal has switched... and the fact that the phone can record video becomes important.... You name it really.

In addition to Kimmy & the Transporter, there's Chris Evans (who is he anyway? He was quite good in a goofy frat boy sort of way), and William H Macy (the initially sceptical cop whose been on the force for 27 years & has never drawn his gun from its holster, but you better bet that's gonna change pretty swiftly) on board for the ride.

Well worth a look. And do, please do, turn off your cellphone for the duration.

And Basinger's in her 50s? No way dude!

Rat eludes capture for four months

Read this last week & really wish they'd let the tenacious little guy live.

New Zealand's source for oddstuff - strange, weird & bizarre news on Stuff.co.nz: Rat eludes capture for four months

peterquixote - making the world fit in to my reality

I know, I know... I once said I wouldn't link to this guy in case he came & visited... but after I said that (on someone else's site) he came & visited anyway.

peterquixote

You might disagree with his politics (if you can discern them clearly), but I have to admit this guy leaves the very best comments on people's blogs I have ever read (if not actually understood).

Riverworld

What's the word for the situation whereby something you come across one day, you subsequently encounter all over the place & frequently?

Probably coincidence.

but following my homage to Tom Mix...

SunnyO: Happy Birthday Dad!

... I was lying on the couch the other day watching all sorts of rubbish on Sky while recovering from a tummy bug (you may not have noticed the absence, since I struggled up now & then to post yet more drivel). And along came an adaptation of Riverworld. You may recall from my post that it is a series of books by Philip Jose Farmer, recounting the adventures of resurrected Tom Mix, Alice in Wonderland, Sam Clemens etc etc.

So I tarried for a spell.

And the first thing to note is that - and what does this say about the producers? Do they not think we've heard of Tom Mix? - Tom Mix isn't in the film, his part has been changed to Astronaut Jeff Hale, who is a fictional character.

The second thing to note is that the production is just stuffed with Kiwi actors, leading me to speculate that this was some sort of pilot movie hoping to recreate the er... "magic" of Xena & Hercules. It even had Kevin Smith in it - although not for long, causing me to further speculate that this may be the production that he was working on to the end...

The third thing to note is that it is utter garbage.

But still... I thought it was an interesting coincidence.

Also seen that day Winged Migration, which is a nature doco featuring the most amazing, astonishing, fantastical... etc... footage of migrating birds. Honestly, I cannot begin to describe how jawdropping some of this stuff is. At the beginning, they tell us that no special effects were used, and that is scarcely believable.

Something like 16 cinematographers filmed for 4 years to get the footage. They used motorless flying cameras to fly with the birds, and they fly high over continents, low over lakes, through cities, over & under bridges, planes land beside them. And all sorts of stuff I hardly remeber because I was delirious on the couch.

Just. Astonishing.

And some creepy footage too, like the poor broken winged bird on a beach, trying to escape those creepy crabs you've seen in other footage (I dunno what they are, but they are creepy), ending up under a big crabby, clicking, ripping scrum. RIP. I think if I'd been the cameraman I'd have found it difficult not to save the beast.

Anyhow. That's nature I suppose. Although lets hope they didn't toss the poor thing onto the beach to get the sequence (ewww...). And did I mention this bit was creepy?

Latest photos of the harbour.

Curious Cows

Seen on Rest Area 300m

Rest Area 300m - watcha doing mister?

But hey, i've got one of those too...

SunnyO - Some Before & After Fun

New adventures in buying stuff.

Shoes? New phone & laptop? 70 inch Plasma or LCD TV?

No, I spent 45 minutes on the phone yesterday (sequel to the 15 minute personal visit last weekend to an actual quarry) buying a truck load of gravel.

It was a mission.

First off the context - I need 2 cubic metres of base course, 1 cubic metre of bedding sand (river sand is recommended), and 1 metre of 20mm round pebbles, to create my new paved & pathed area around the house.

The local quarry can supply all of that. Very cheaply.

however, when I popped around last week to order it, they told me that each load would have to be delivered separately, and each delivery would cost me $60 (we're talking maybe 3 km distance here).

"So." I said, considering carefully, "The various gravels will cost me something like $75 total, but it will cost $180 to deliver? I'm going to have to rethink this."

The lady tried to be helpful - "Have you got a trailer? I know it'll take a while, but maybe your best bet is to come & get it yourself?"

I got told off later for abruptly curtailing the discussion, but really, while she was trying to be helpful, I have neither a trailer, nor the intention of spending a whole weekend just getting 3 piles of sand & gravel just to the near vicinity of where I need it. The capper was that they're not open Labour weekend anyway & so I'd have to take time off work to go get it. No go.

So I spent a few days weighing my options, then gave them a call back.

"How many metres does a truckload hold?" You see, it's all gonna get used eventually, so may as well maximise the payload.

The answer is 7 cubic metres. And so I explained that I wasn't that anal about the loads being mixed up a bit (I mean most of it is going to end up being pathway somewhere). And so "could I please have 3 metres course & 2 metres each of sand & pebbles? And can it all go in one truckload?"

The answers were "yes, yes, and no". Apparently 3 different types are too many & the best I could hope for was to get 2 types on one load without it all turning to gravel salad (the truckdriver actually said "gravel salad").

So I had another think about it, then thought "Wait a minute, I haven't ordered the pavers yet, so I don't need the sand until I do, and anyway, they say not to lay the sand until you have the pavers ready to go." And I need a lot less sand than the rest, and maybe the paver people can supply it.

So it was back on the phone, "Hi there again Janet, can I this time order 3 metres of course & 3 metres of gravel?"

And mercifully, it turned out I could. And not a moment before time as mine would be the very last delivery they made this week.

Went through the usual patter about access to the property "Is the access OK? Will he be able to back his truck out? Etc"

And I seem to find it difficult to convey the concept that there is enough room to get the truck in, turn it around even without recoursing to so much as a 3 point turn, while (hypothetically) the concorde lands beside it.

Remains to be seen whether THIS truckdriver can grapple with the usual delivery instructions "Down the drive, there's a tin shed on your left, anywhere near there." any better than the last guy could.

"Acme mulch here, I've got a load for you & the instructions say to take it down the drive & dump it near the shed on the left."
"That's right" I said.
"Well I'm down the drive... and there's a little shed on my left... you want it there?"
".....yes."
"Good as gold!"

Mrs Llew reckons of course he can, how could anyone be so stupid?

I reckon I'll be telling a story about a stupid truck driver before next week is out though.

Bring back the Ministry of Works!

I was consulting with my panel of advisors yesterday - OK, the usual academics, lawyers, engineers & god knows what else who assemble on Magpie Lawn to watch the dogs... do their thing (we carry bags for that), and conversation naturally turned to the ramifications of our new Gummint.

But since none of us had heard any other details than "New government announced, film at 5pm", the topic quickly changed to other things, although related things, like, Peter Dunne's insistance that Transmission Gully be started & completed ASAP.

Actually, I have no beef with that, although some say we can't afford it. I also have no beef with making the coastal road 4 lanes instead... although some say that civilisation will end when Paremata & Pukerua Bay houses & shops (and just why did they build that shopping centre in the path of a proposed highway? Wasn't that just asking for it?) are demolished to make way for it.

But the consensus amongst this august group was that we should definitely do something... anything (except that road from Korokoro & Porirua, which starts and ends before any bottleneck anyway & just sounds really stupid & a waste of money - hello! That's what the road over Haywards Hill is for!).

And someone... and OK, it was this pinko lefty academic law lecturer, but we shouldn't hold that, or anything else come to that, against him, said that in the old days, the Ministry of Works would just have announced its plans, there'd have been a few rabid protests & some biting criticism from blowhards & dogooders on TV for a while... and the bulldozers would have gone in & we'd be speeding North by lunchtime...

And I think he was probably right.

And actually, now I think about it, wasn't that guy Donald Brash talking about creating a Dept of Infrastructure for just this sort of thing? Good idea I reckon, which goes to show that he & Mr Dunne had one good idea each at least.

Why is making roads so difficult these days? Is it the Resource Management Act? Is it that we spend too much money on silly yacht races? (a whole lot more than we do on Hip Hop Tours anyway)

I dunno, I dunno... anyway, I'm all for resurrecting the Ministry of Works. That's all.

Yooooouuurrrr gonna shout!

When the Fruju Hits ya!
Ooh aah ooh.

This lunchtime, I popped downstairs & around the corner from the Wellingtonista Towers, to the NZ Film Archive& spent a fascinating wee while browsing their catalogue of VCRs & DVDs.

I tried picking the brain of the technician on duty in the Media Library, but he was just relieving & had sketchy information at best to impart.

But the catalogue is user friendly, and there were lots of terminals available.

So after spending 10 minutes browsing through all manner of old listings, commercials, TV programmes, feature & short films, corporate promotions and home movies...

I settled on a small collection of old TV commercials, including the original Fruju ad (hottie), the Moro Man, Give Fluffy to Me (I was at school with that guy & I tell you, if a flight attendant that looked like that, had said "meeow" to me like that... well... ahem... probably very little would have happened), and some startlingly homoerotic ads for something or other featuring a lot of well known (in their day) rugby players & well known (in his day) Wellington publican Trevor Snowden...

I really need to take a month or so off & go through the lot & get back to you with the highlights...

Anyway, well worth a look if you're wandering past that way.

In the exhibition rooms, they had some old computers & some archival footage of the Rainbow Warrior affair. Fascinating!

The New Zealand Film Archive

A short tour...

The house pretty much as seen from the gate.










Panorama looking North. The Forest o'Llew at the rear.



Also from the gate, showing the best tree on the property - I so wish it were out in the bare paddocks & not so close to the house (although that's next door in the photo). A great tree for climbing.



We used to have our barbecues under this tree...



When we bought it, this piece of garden beside the house was impassable. It was wholly overgrown with old houseplants, big palmy fruit salad plant looking things with huge suckers that ran everywhere & even down into the drains. It took a long time to clear.



Speaks for itself - about a week's work here for the constructionally impaired.



Looking past the shed toward the feijoa paddock. There are small citrus trees in the mid ground, which have twice this year been unceremoniously pruned by wayward sheep.



The famous tin shed!



This will soon be a nicely paved BBQ area.



And this bit will be gravel & paving stone pathway. At the time of writing, this has all been excavated to a depth of 200mm. I'm ordering base coarse & bedding sand this week.



Actually, this looks a lot more like a firepit now, I should have taken another photo later the next day. Oh well... It sits in a natural basin in the land & I've built a circular ridge around it & eventualy, I'll line the inside with stones (which are onsite already, just spread all around the property), and cement them in with mortar & ash. Possibly.

Coming soon - pictorial tour of SunnyO.

When I down or up load the photos - sometime this week.

I was wandering aimlessly around in the weekend, gathering kindling, checking on the sheep, checking the part of the fenceline which Wilma has suddenly discovered she can easily slip through & search the neighbour's property for the cat she saw last week... while ignoring all "cease & desist & fucking well come here & heel ya mangy mutt" commands...

And I'd had the forethought to slip the camera in my pocket.

So when I have the time I'll post up a bit of a tour of the property. Including the hole I dug this weekend which will one day be a nice paved barbecue area... and the ring of debris that once filled the hole, and is now my "proto-fire pit". I mean, it's just a circular ring of sand & sod at the moment, but one day (post paving) it'll be lined with rocks & cemented together with mortar mixed with ash (unless that looks a lot crappier than I envisage), and it'll be our firepit - complete with a little garden seat nearby which will be chainsawed out of a mammoth willow stump.

Anyway. That's the plan. And plans change regularly at SunnyO.

But Clods! Rejoice! I took some photos of the kitset shed that was last spring's project.

And the clothesline that I built in the school holidays. And the nifty little garden Mrs Llew made out of a tractor tyre that way back in 2002, I suggested would make a nice little raised garden. but the missus scoffed mightily at - plans change!

I am Snoopy...

You are Snoopy!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Hat tip to Michelle:

The Jamjar: October 2005 Archives

Holmes interviews Hosking

I'm not sure whether they should both be sealed up in a tin can & rocketed in the general direction of Mars... or whether all interviews should be like this...

New Zealand's source for entertainment news, gossip & music, movie & book reviews on Stuff.co.nz: Television's new odd couple

Fuckin' tagged....

Wanda Harland: Tagged - again!

20 random things about me:

1. I'm the least likely person to do one of these things.

2. I have 3 testicles

3. My college nickname was "Cement head"

4. Madonna & I were just "good friends" in the 80s.

5. I once owned a Fiat Bambina

6. Despite the similar appearance, I am NOT related to Viggo Mortenson

7. I was kicked by a horse once and my dad's worried response was "I wonder if it was Cardigan Bay?"

8. I own more barbecues that Imelda Marcos has shoes.

9. I didn't fly until I was 25.

10. I have been known to take a car for a test drive just to get the groceries home from the supermarket.

11. I stood in an elevator twice in my life with David Lange, and both times was too shy to say anything.

12. I have never tried "shrooms"

13. I don't believe in reincarnation

14. Although I was Napoleon in a previous life. And maybe Gandhi.

15. I have no idea why Jimmy cracks corn....

16. Nor who Jimmy is!

17. I scored the winning (and only) goal for West Ham in the 1980 FA Cup final against Arsenal

18. I changed my name from "Trevor Brooking" in 1982.

19. I wrote the Hanson's "MMMMM Bop" song.

20. I make a lot of shit up.

I like Doonesbury too...

Doonesbury - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In fact, I first heard of Donald Trump through the strip - onlookers were chanting "Jump!" to him as he stood looking down from the top of Trump Towers. I used to wonder why he never sued trudeau. I guess it was all true.

In less enlightened days too, I fancied myself as a "Tanmaster", like Zonker, although not personally mentored by Tanmaster Hamilton

Actually, pretty much anything i know of American politics, I learned through Doonesbury.

The sequence covering the "return" of an old & bald Elvis was notable, so too, the agonising of advertising exec Mike, over a big contract to promote cigarettes, leading to the appearance of Mr Butts, and his less reputable relative, Mr "J".

You can get your daily Doonesbury fix here.

I can't believe how comprehensive this is

Wikipedia entry for one of my favourite cartoons, Calvin & Hobbes. Right down to a philosophical analysis of all the main & secondary characters.

I also can't believe how many of the episodes mentioned are familiar...

Liek Rosalyn beating Calvin at Calvinball...

Calvin and Hobbes - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Halloween films... any recommendations?

Um... it's not going to be very often that I solicit advice on movies from anyone - so have at it, this is your chance.

I need 3 scary movies suitable for a bunch of 13 year olds. I haven't scoured the local DVD store yet to check the ratings, but I'm initially leaning towards:

Poltergeist (I went to this at the time expecting a laugh & ended up chewing through my jacket...)

Halloween

Friday the 13th...

Any ideas?

Oh... and Champignon will be busy for a few months too...

New Zealand's source for entertainment news, gossip & music, movie & book reviews on Stuff.co.nz: Black Sheep first film of NZ-Korean partnership: "Black Sheep first film of NZ-Korean partnership "

New Bond to be named today

Light blogging for a year or so while I'm "filming" in Europe & the Carribbean with Sienna Miller & Kate Moss.

Will post photos later.

New Zealand's source for entertainment news, gossip & music, movie & book reviews on Stuff.co.nz: New Bond to be named today

Sage advice...

"If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that." - Milton Jones

MatthewWalker.net.nz:

Happy Birthday Dad!

You'd have been what... 72 today? Although I suspect had you survived 1979, you wouldn't have made it this far anyway.

In honour of the day, here's a link to one of your favourite movie stars - although he was a bit before your time too, I can only presume the cinemas in the valleys were still playing ancient silent & early talkie films when you were a kid.

Probably still are actually.

Profile on Tom Mix

Tom Mix died on October 12, 1940, just a day (if my calculations are correct) before your 7th birthday. (Tom's horse Tony died to the day 2 years later).

For the uninitiated, Tom Mix was the most famous movie star (and possibly human) on Earth in his day. Think of him perhaps, as his era's Jackie Chan.

And that comparison is not idly made, Mix was an accomplished horseman & rope wrangler who did all his own stunts & had the numerous injuries to prove it.

He was also a notorious shagger.

Oddly enough, he is also almost completely forgotten these days. Very few, if any of his movies still exist except in fragments & so modern audiences can have almost no idea of his talent & presence, because let's face it, in the existing photos the guy looks like an utter goober. And while "golden age" hollywood autobiographies salaciously reference the exploits of numerous film stars who were his contemporaries - Chaplin, Barrymore, Fairbanks, Pickford et al... no one seems to recount Tom Mix stories.

Although weirdly... science fiction fans may recognise the name & character from Philip Jose Farmer's Riverworld series of books. Mix (along with Mark Twain, Alice Liddell Hargreaves - Alice in Wonderland actually and other famous dead people) are resurrected in a strange world notable for a large river running through it & try to find out why they're there. Mix shags Alice in the first chapter of the first book.

So there you have it! Tom Mix, the most famous dead guy you've never heard of.

Happy birthday Dad! (By god, you'd have loved Wikipedia)

OK... let's have some feedback from some of you...

Particularly... the frequent visitors to this site from far flung areas of the world... eg:

1. The multinational consulting firm who appears to hail from somewhere in France.

2. Someone who looks in now & then from Sunnyvale, California

3. The huge company which has an administrative office in Troy, Michigan - I've had considerable dealings with your firm over the years, do I know you?

4. And anyone else who wants to have a say actually. Bloggers thrive on feedback.

You're all welcome of course, but I'd love to hear from you - what do you like? Dislike? Any requests? Are you hot? Send photos in which case etc.

The email address is underneath the picture of Snowflake the sheep up in the corner, if you dion't want to post a comment.

Possibly I don't need to hear from the (presumably) gentlemen, who surfed in over the last day or so looking for pictures of "naked old men" - funny how these things come in waves, suddenly, all around the world (well, North America anyway) diverse people sat down & entered those 3 words into a google search.

Diverse people from: Florida, Mississippi, New York, Georgia, Texas & Vancouver.

Sorry I couldn't oblige... :)

Darth Sidious & Associates (Architects to the Desperate) company offices, September 2005

The phone on Sidious' desk rang, "The surveyor is here to see you Mr Sidious".

"Send the idiot in" came the gruff response.

A rather stooped, gaunt man, wearing a grey macintosh coat & a tatty trilby hat entered the room.

"Preacherman" said Sidious, not bothering to even look up, "Why is it we use you again?"

"I'm cheap" said the man, blanching slightly "And my credentials from the army surveying corps are unverifiable."

"Oh yes..." Sidious looked up finally, and noting the scrapes & bruises on the man's face asked "What happened to you?"

"A job I was doing for Don Vino Minestrone last month... um... encouraging some good folk to relinquish some land Don Minestrone requires..."

"Not so easily encouraged eh?"

"Well it was going quite well until we were interrupted by a rabid, flashing eyed ovine, who roughed me up & turned me off the property..."

"Not...?"

"Yes, Champignon the Wonder Sheep!"

"Well I'll be... I thought he was a myth."

"A very obstinate myth."

"Well..." said Sidious, considering the situation, "to the matter at hand... have you checked your measurements for that job in Kelburn? The troublesome car deck?"

"Yes, I've run the plans past the council here & also took the liberty of showing them to some of my old defense force contacts."

"And..."

"NASA are complaining, as drawn the car deck will be visible from space & may pose a navigational hazard for future Space Shuttle missions."

"I thought that might be the case... so I've taken the liberty to shrink the plans to something more befitting a suburban front garden, rather than something capable of landing the concorde on."

"Very wise... the client will be well pleased I'm sure."

"Yes, well... no thanks to you. Tell me, is there a single job you've done for me that has gone well?"

"Um.. well... I AM very cheap!"

"I know..." Sidious sighed... "Well while you're here, I have a contract for some work required by a very special client... your passport is up to date? Do you know anything abour levies? Have you ever been to New Orleans?"

"Halliburton! I do like working with them.... I surveyed the existing levies actually!"

"That figures...."