Can Peter Dunne Dance?

And would we want to see it anyway?

And it's all over for another year, the dreadful music, the dreadful jokes, the dreadful costumes, the dreadful celebs, the dreadful presenters & judges. Goneski.

And worse! Jason Gunn returns to the same timeslot in a couple of weeks. Without me though I'd have to predict.

And Suzanne took the honours. And it seems right. Megan might be a wonderful, natural dancer, but there is something slightly off putting about her. Will Suzanne get her new show & enough dosh to pay the creditors? Time will tell.

Highlight of last night was watching Laws, we gasped a couple of times as disaster loomed, but somehow, he managed not to scone Lauren's head on the floor. Well done. And I never thought I'd say anything like this - but the jive from Cole & Candy took our breath on a couple of occasions too.

All that's left is speculation about next year. Rumour has it that Jeremy Wells, Mark Sainsbury, Tom Scott and Don Brash were approached for the season just ended, I guess we can assume they won't change their minds next year.

We're running out of celebs actually, Nerida says she'll be back as a dancer next year, who will she be paired with?

I haven't investigated foreign Dancing with the Stars series, so I don't know what criteria are employed in choosing contestants there, but here they seem to be:

Sports persons
Shortland St actors
Retired politicians
Retired public service CEOs
TV presenters
DJs

Who does that leave us? Peter Dunne? Clark & Cullen probably won't meet the eligibility criteria until after the next election, but with luck, we can then add Winston to the list. Blumsky? He's a media whore, but is he well enough known outside of Welly?

Mikey Havoc? And/or his cute wife Claire? Simon & Ali? (Actually, I'd tune in to watch Alison Mau dance in her smalls).

Ooh. That reminds me... BRING ON THE DANCING REBECCA SINGH!!

Ahem... How about Judy Bailey then? I bet they asked her already. Damian Christie? (Mate, we'll put in a decent plug so you can have Hayley), Sean Plunket?

I don't know any Shortland Street actors, but it could be any of them.

Alright, I'm well & truly in waffletown now - I throw te forum open to suggestions. Who would you like to see on next year's Dancing With the Stars?

Anger at Labour's 'wandering eye'

This is hilarious, mere days after Gordon Copeland's bravado bid for obscurity, his former party leader, Peter Dunne is throwing a tanty because Labour is paying too much attention to the Greens. He's threatened to open negotiations with National. Except he's also thrown a tanty at National for wooing the Maori Party.

This from the guy who cut the Greens out of any coalition at the behest of the Outdoor Recreation Party, who have now abandoned United Future, so why should Dunne care anymore? Aside from his grandiose delusions of relevance.

Mr Dunne wants some recognition from Labour now of United Future's possible relevance after the next election.

Good luck with that Peter it depends on the votes, but I'm hoping that neither Labour, nor National have a bar of you.

Anger at Labour's 'wandering eye' - 29 May 2007 - NZ Herald: New Zealand National news

Hattip to David Farrar who said this of Dunne:

Peter's problem is that in political terms, he is an easy lay.

Now I don't mean this as a bad thing. Peter is a very good guy, who is always a safe and competent Minister, and he doesn't go troppo like Winston does. But it does mean both major parties do tend tio take him for granted

Well I think it's a bad thing & I can see no earthly reason why any party should agree some "deal" with United Future ahead of an election, whatever happens, at a snap of the fingers Dunne would roll over & expose his tummy (or shaft an ally), for anyone.

Time for Linux then?

Anyone else got one of these recently? Looks like such a hassle I am seriously considering going open source immediately. Wonder what happens if I ignore it?

Hi Llew

The purpose of this email is to follow up on the letter your organisation should have received from Microsoft notifying you of the Software Asset Management (SAM) review process.

OR:

I tried to contact you by phone today to follow up on the letter your organisation should have received from Microsoft notifying you of the Software Asset Management (SAM) review process. However, I was unable to make contact with you so have taken the liberty of sending you this email to outline the process.

Microsoft has engaged Accordo Group to carry out this activity on their behalf. Please note that Accordo Group is an independent consulting organisation. We do not sell software licenses and our role in this review is purely that of expert advisor on licensing matters.

The steps in the review process are as follows;

Process Steps

1. We ask you to complete the attached deployment summary (spreadsheet format) and return to us via email.

2. Once we receive your deployment summary we will analyse the Microsoft software in use against the licenses held and provide you with an Estimated Ownership Position. There may be areas that require further clarification;

3. When this is done, a finalised License Ownership Position (as of the date of the review) will be provided, detailing what you own and what we understand you are using, based on the information you have supplied. This final summary will detail over-licensing or any apparent variances that may need to be remedied;

4. Along with the final License Ownership Position summary you will also receive a Software Asset Management Tips guide.

In order to make the process as efficient as possible we would highlight the following:

1. You may wish to engage your IT Partner to assist you through (or even manage) the process on your behalf;

2. We recommend that you request from your IT partner/s a list of Microsoft licenses you have purchased via OEM (bundled with hardware) or FPP (boxed retail copies). Please note that records of licenses purchased under a Volume License Program (such as Open, Select or Enterprise) will be already available in the Microsoft records system;

3. Microsoft do make available a free software audit tool called MSIA that might be of assistance in establishing exactly what Microsoft software you have installed on each device. Details on this tool and the location to download it from can be found on the internet as follows: http://www.microsoft.com/resources/sam/msia.mspx;

4. If you have purchased Volume Licenses under a different company name or have acquired other organisations who may have purchased licenses, please try to have this information available. This will enable us to identify any licenses you own which have been purchased under alternative names.

The documents attached to this email:

• A generic copy of the letter originally sent to your organisation by Microsoft;

• A document that covers some of the frequently asked questions regarding the review process;

• A copy of your organisation’s Volume License Purchase Summary from the Microsoft licensing database;

• A deployment summary that we would appreciate your response to by 14 June 2007. If, for any reason, you are unable to meet this timeframe please contact us by return email.

What you can expect to get out of the review?

• Consolidation of all your licensing records into one concise report which can then be maintained and modified by your organisation in the future;

• Assistance with understanding licensing rules, and, in particular, how they relate to your own specific situation;

• Licensing expertise and advice available to you throughout the process, free of charge;

• Guidance regarding ongoing Software Asset Management.

Please do ask questions if you are not sure about the information you are being asked to provide, or if you have any queries whatsoever in regards to the SAM review process. Alternatively, should you wish to discuss this directly with Microsoft New Zealand’s Small Business Manager, please feel free to contact Jan Ferguson on Ph 09-3625885 or email jan.ferguson@microsoft.com.

Thank you for your assistance.

Kind Regards

An Emissary of the Prince of Darkness.

Sheepless in Otaki

Hurrah! I waved goodbye to 5 sheep yesterday. There were 6 last week, but the ancient girl died during the week. She & her lambs have looked suss since I got them, she's just been past her use by date I think, which is why the guy selling was so keen to get rid of them.

But anyway, I turned up at 10am to pen the the beasts before 10.30am, when a nice lady called Faye was coming to pick them up. Fantastically, Wilma & I had them sorted nearly straight away! And for the only time, Wilma was a help rather than a hindrance. For whatever reason, she went the right way, stopped when I yelled & after only two uncontrolled circuits of the paddock, we had all 5, even the bolshie boys, in my jury rigged "funnel", and on their way to the pen.

We rested then & half an hour later Faye arrived with a high sided trailer.

While getting them in the pen was a doddle, getting them on the trailer was not. Faye backed up to the gate, we bisected the pen to make it smaller, but nothing was going to tempt them to step up & through the gate. Otto spent most of his time blocking the gap.

Resigned to a struggle, I heaved Otto around & pushed the heavy brute up onto the platform. I wondered how long I had to get another before he got back off, but to my complete surprise, George dutifully climbed up onto the trailer to be with his old mate.

"Just like a sheep" Faye noted, as she swung one of the ewes up to join them. I grabbed the last two while she blocked them all in the trailer, she rolled the lot forward while I held corrugated iron up to stop the bolting. And it was done.

The boys are off to Levin apparently, the girls & the wether lamb are staying in Otaki.

Next weekend I'll dismantle all the temporary fencing & transport it to the orchard where it will go to keeping Wilma in.

One amusing thing we noted, the 1/4 acre section next door, from whence springs Zeus the pig, now & then, is now also home to a magnificent chestnut horse. I can only assume they're circus folk or something. Anyway, that's between them & their new neighbours & the animal control guy.

Which brings me to... my utter shame on Saturday, literally seconds after I'd given her a tummy rub out the back, Wilma was returned home from the front street by the local Animal Control Officer. I was stunned "But, but... she was just out the back with me!".

Luckily, the guy just happened to be passing when he caught Wilma just outside our front gate. There was a lot of traffic that day because of some field day at the race course, so the guy didn't even tell me off, just returned her with a smile. And then he asked me if next door's dogs always barked like that & I said not really, just sometimes, and off he went to tell their owner off instead.

Oh, and that prompted me to go see if the sheep guy from next door (not the 1/4 acre section - more like a 4 acre section) had fixed his fence so that his lot can't tour our place when they want.

And he had.

Have Simon & Ali got their State House yet?

Whatever happened to them after they were forced to sell their rundown house in an overpriced suburb?

Anyway, this isn't about them, this is how real people in rundown houses in overpriced suburbs do it.

Pictures would have helped, but I didn't take any.

Our house has the original 1915 bathroom I think. The basin looked like it was from a railway station, or boarding school. The taps did not match even. And the hot tap leaked badly (although, as we have this caliphont arrangement, it wasn't actually leaking hot water, the flow was too slow to trip the caliphont). The basin was badly cracked, but watertight.

Until several years later (Christmas last year) I decided to change the washer to stop the hot tap leaking. It didn't really budge, except I managed to crack the basin even further, so that it leaked onto the floor, and down to the kitchen.

Then, we tolerated that for months, until I had a really bright idea - waterproof the bottom of the basin with Gladwrap (tm). Fucking MacGuyver!

Two months later, we bought a new basin.

Rang our regular plumber - he was on holiday for a month.

Rang him a month later, and several weeks after that (yesterday) he turned up! Yay.

And for the first time in 5 or 6 years, we have a fully functioning bathroom with hot water at the basin, and no water on the floor! And it looks really cool.

And bonus, for some odd reqason, the plumber set our old basin up (sans plumbing) in our front garden, where the neighbours will surely be wondering WTF we're doing putting an ex-railway/boarding school basin in our front garden.

I think I might leave it there for a couple of years.

So progress, progress. One day, after the roof, painting & goodness knows what else, our place will not be a rundown house in an overpriced suburb, it'll just be a house in an overpriced suburb.

We have a winner

The sheep have been rehomed!

Well, more accurately, they will be rehomed this weekend. Sue, if you're reading this, I meet Faye on Sunday morning & we'll see if we can get those 6 suckers on a trailer & on their way to greener pastures.

I'm glad. I'm also a bit sad to see them go. The place will be lonely.

Then again, I can roll up all the portable fencing that I've used to screen sheep from valuable plants, and to fashion a clever "run" that aids me in penning them when they need it.

That fencing will make the new place 'dog proof" or "sheep proof" depending on whether the animal is coming or going.

Another 2nd hand story

From the same friend of a friend (foaf) as this one.

Possibly about the same fellow! Sounds like the type.

Anyway, a foaf was telling me about a mate of his who was known, in less enlightened days, to have a few too many drinks for the road before he embarked on any sort of trip.

One day, after a few too many, he hitched his boat & trailer up to the back of his car & took off for a weekend's fishing at Taupo.

It was a dreamtrip, no traffic problems, the boat towed like it was hardly there.

Because by the time he'd made his - what is it, 5 or 6 hours from Welly? - journey, and arrived at his destination, he discovered the boat was indeed, no longer on the trailer.

Perplexed, he started to back track, figuring it couldn't be too hard to find a large boat...

Turns out it had come off on State Highway 1, around the Tawa exit (about 10 minutes into his journey), and ended up in on the side of the road. I do not know how he got it back on the trailer when he found it. But I believe it was less than sea worthy.

Best Torch Ever!

Even better than the last Best Torch Ever!

Led Lenser David 15 LED Torch

This is the LED Lenser David 15 Tactical Light. It is smaller than last year's V2 Power Chip (the names just crack me up). It is not quite as bright as the V2, but pretty darned close considering that it is half the size. Oh, and it takes one AA battery. Just one. The V2 takes 3 very non-standard batteries (which are very cheap though).

The mega rubout at the end.

Some days in business are the pits. Clients call demanding instant and possibly unreasonable action, or to complain about something you have no influence over, creditors ring demanding money.

Some days staff tell you a funny story about how stupid some associates are, and neglect to mention that they waited 11 days before reading the email asking to be addressed with some urgency.

Some days you learn that some people who profess to be trusted partners have been ringing clients lambasting them for working with you, instead of them (actually this happens quite a lot & it amazes me that the trusted partners don't realise the client is going to mention it... good faith anyone?).

And then there are those days that remind you of nothing more than the last acts in all of the Godfather films. The mega rubout which in one fell swoop eliminates all foes, traitors, and lazy staff.

Without even trying!

And now you may kiss my ring.

As they say.

As told to me by someone who heard it from...

Funny, yet awful story told to me by someone who heard it from someone else (so it must be true).

Have you ever attended an open home & been tempted to take a huge dump in the pristine bathroom? I confess it's one of those idly amusing thoughts that crosses my mind at the time. I've never enquired, but I presume soiling the bathroom at an open home is frowned upon.

So there's this guy, who owns a block of land in the Wairarapa & he & his wife are considering building a bunch of kitset homes.

So they commenced touring the kitset home manufacturers & showhomes.

Last weekend, they visited some showhomes in the Carterton area. They had a good old poke around & were impressed. The wife engaged the salesman to talk business, the husband pardoned himself for a few minutes to check out the bathrooms.

In fact, he really needed to take a dump, not inspect the plumbing. So that is what he did.

He couldn't have been too experienced at show homes, because everyone knows the plumbing isn't connected. The toilets don't flush.

Mortified, when this became apparent, he closed the lid, closed the bathroom door, located his wife, made theatrical apologies about remembering that the oven was on at home, and fled.

Misleading Headlines - a continuing series.

Do these things get read before they go to print? Or does so much get edited out for space, that any relevance to the headline is removed?

Anyway, "China crocs "escaped twice" before eating child alive."

We can assume that somewhere in China, escaped & marauding crocodiles killed & ate a child right?

Nope. In fact, the boy & two others entered the crocodile enclosure & taunted the reptiles with sticks.

China crocs 'escaped twice' before eating child alive - Stuff.co.nz

stealing IS a crime, right?

Someone's been flogging Rebekka's photos!

MiramarMike: stealing IS a crime, right?
zLuckily, Mike is on the case.

Obscure player quits politics forever.

Copeland quitting United Future to form own party - Stuff.co.nz

Heh heh... that's my outcome prediction, not what the story says.

Fistfight mars Boston Pops concert

Heh heh... that's what I call entertainment!

Fistfight mars Boston Pops concert - New Zealand's source for oddstuff - strange, weird & bizarre news on Stuff.co.nz

Hope for Paris yet.

Paris Will Do Anything... Stuff.co.nz

Signs that the countryside isn't too far away

Beats mowing I suppose.

Meanwhile, in breaking news, sheep were found at SunnyO.

How odd is that? Well in this instance they weren't our sheep! I looked up after several hours of digging up hydrangeas (sp) and digging in roses... to see 10 little hoofed animals lining our drive in single file, all looking back at me.

When Wilma & I investigated more closely, 9 of them streamed smoothly back through the gap in the fence they came through. The other went the wrong way & took half an hour to reacquaint with his own paddock.

We'd noticed the sheep next door earlier, they're a new thing. I had already noted that the fence was a bit iffy, but whoever owns the sheep had fixed most of that.

I rang him yesterday & let him know that his sheep were exploring - I'm not as bothered about them as I was the pig, there is far less to eat at our place than the sheep have in their property, so they would have been being nosy. The owner will, I'm sure, fix the fence pronto & I have in fact, offered him 6 more... be cool if they moved next door.

In other sheep news, on Saturday mornin g I did the customary headcount, one sheep alone in a paddock with its head down in the corner, the other 5 in the forest. Wilma & I walked the boundaries, changed the water in the trough, and headed back to the house.

Hmm... that sheep still with the head down in the corner... so we swung by for a look.

And what she'd done, and I think she'd been there all night, but not much longer, is get her head through the fence & jammed stuck with wire holding her above & below the neck. Bloody lucky not to be strangled!

It took 10 minutes to free her, she'd kicked up a bit of mud trying to get out, but was none the worse for wear.

Someone told me years ago, that sheep can be defined as "bags of bones, looking for unusual ways to die". And sometimes I know what they mean. But good result this time.

Still looking for homes for them, but I have a few people considering taking them on.

Ashes of Star Trek's Scotty beam down, go missing

Hmm... I assumed his ashes were blasted into space forever! Just shows it pays not assume anything.

Ashes of Star Trek's Scotty beam down, go missing - Stuff.co.nz

Well, well, well.

I'll have to take & post some pictures at some stage soon, but SunnyO is bordered on two sides by a dry creek bed. Previous owners have diligently kept records of correspondence between various agencies & themselves, and through these records I have learned that the last time there was water in the creek was 1994.

Our drinking & washing water comes from a "bore", which I think is just another name for a well. It's quite clever really, the water is 12-15 feet down, we have a pipe with an electric motor sitting on top of it. We turn a tap, the motor pumps water at a very respectable pressure. It's been tested & is premium drinking water. Or, as we say in the business, "potable".

We also have a really big tank which collects rainwater from the roof of the stables. This water is for the plants.

And... there is another motor attached to that tank, which is controlled by a computer, which (if switched on) pumps collected rainwater, at a very respectable pressure, through a very sophisticated irrigation system that is woven around & throughout the property - nozzles rise from ground level like something out of Stingray. We don't need to use this system very often. In fact, the only two times I've tried to use it nothing has happened, or more accurately, very little has happened.

I decided I was doing something wrong.

Then last week, I tried it again. The water seemed to be going through, but no nozzles were magically rising from the ground.

Then a voice rang out from not too far away...

"Hey, we've got a lake!".

And goodness knows what happened, but water was bubbling up from a hole in the ground & forming a very expansive pond. SO I switched the magic system off. Tomorrow, I'll be digging around that hole in the ground & finding, if not fixing, the problem.

This whole bore thing though, has got me thinking. At first, we were really careful about the water we used. But then I realised that we can use as much as we want, aside from what goes down the drain, the water we use outside just immdiately returns to the water table.

So I'm gonna get myself a water feature, powered by a solar pump (only learned you can get these last week). I want something that's big enough for the dog to bathe in, with maybe water bubbling, if not gushing from above. A real well! With potable water! I'll site it in an arid patch where overflowing water will be useful.

No idea if this is feasible at this stage. I will keep you informed of progress.

Rollin' | the wellingtonista

Yahay! In a newspaper somewhere near you. On the same page as scurrilous gossip about Aja Rock & Hadyn Green*.

Rollin' | the wellingtonista

* or was it Tommy Lee?

Arnie laughs at Paris petition appeal

Saw the headline & thought "I can just picture that". I guess that's the thing about fame, especially fame like Arnie has - we've seen him laugh, I mean, really guffaw, in movies, and you can just imagine him tipping back his head & really letting rip with an Austrian chortle.

Arnie laughs at Paris petition appeal - Stuff.co.nz

However, within the article itself there is absolutely no mention of how Arnie responded, just a business-like comment from the press secretary that the petition will be treated like any other.

I dunno, I take from that than no decision has been made. No laughing so far then.

On a similar topic (misleading headlines, not socialites & terminators), did anyone see the Weekend Dompost article on swingers parties arecently?

the headline said something like "Chances are, there's a swingers party taking place every week in your street."

However, within the article, it transpired that only one swingers club in the whole wider wellington region had been identified, and that they held parties once a month in a street in Upper Hutt.

So. Chances are very slim that there is ever a swingers party in your street, let alone each week, chances are slightly higher if you live in Upper Hutt.

Sign the Subway Petition!!

Go on, you know you want to.

Subway New Zealand and Subway George Street Dunedin to show compassion and common sense in the case of Jackie Lang, and for them to formally request the Police not to prosecute her for the alleged misappropriation of a $2 soda which she shared with a friend, and to resolve her employment status in a manner satisfactory to both Subway and Ms Lang.

Sign the Subway Petition (David Farrar)

Scoop: True story of dog who captured the heart of a city

How odd - I only mentioned this story the other day, and now someone's published a book!

Scoop: True story of dog who captured the heart of a city

Bloggers Boycott Dunedin!

I don't do Subway, so any boycott would be pointless. However I do think some pointless gesture is warranted so I'm boycotting all of Dunedin from now on until they send me money. Or really cool gifts.

Aucklander at Large: Bloggers Boycott of Subway Restaurants

Unfair? Quite clearly. Who said life was fair?

Seems like a win win.

Exide may truck slag to Auckland - Stuff.co.nz

And see! Not one single wisecrack about rebecca loos!

More dog stuff!

Honestly, what sort of a moron fires an airgun at a guide dog?

Attacks a common threat to guide dogs

I must admit, wandering around the suburbs in sunglasses while attached to a golden labrador... does see me get some really considerate attention at times. I have considered carrying a white cane...

Wilma plays with a guide dog called Sasha now & then. I see Sasha all over the place, on the cable car, in town, with her owner. And occasionally she, Sasha & her family have run into Wilma & I, and I can confirm, that when the harness is off, a guide dog is just a dog.

And it's a pleasure to watch.

In other dog news, Martha's looking for a name for the latest addition to her family.

Crossblogging.

Yeah. I'm wearing a dress.

Anyway, click through & see if you can guess where the local heats for the NZ Rock, Paper, Scissors championship is being held.

"Just like a Star Trek convention... | the wellingtonista

Brave dog, misleading headline

We have a poster-dog for the latest round of panic over marauding dogs.

Dogs 'given P' to make them fiercer

Good on the little fellow.

Meanwhile, beyond speculation & hearsay... is there anything in that report to substantiate the claim that P is being given to dogs? Anything? Anyone...?

It'll be interesting to see what happens now - will there be a crackdown on menacing and/or unregistered dogs? Or will the official response be to send more dog rangers to Magpie Lawn to catch the vicious spoodles off their leads in a totally isolated & deserted area?

First time boaties

Click on any of the pictures for a bigger image.

Came across these people the other day. As we approached we surmised that the first car that had backed up to winch in the boat appeared to be in trouble (as in waves breaking over it).

Another car backed in to the area (which is clearly signposted as being soft sand) and a cable was attached to the first car, which was attached by another cable to the boat & trailer.

The 2nd car became stuck, and to our utter astonishment, they backed in their thrd car to tow out the 2nd, and first, and boat & trailer...



being nosy, and helpful, we swung by for a closer look & to give them the name & address of a guy down the road who owned a tractor.

Meanwhile, the tide was coming in & the sun had gone down.

In between hyperventilation gasps, they told us that this was the first time they'd had the boat in the water. No shit?



They tried several times to pull them all out, but to no avail, the towrope they were using kept coming off the tow bar.

Mrs Llew went with one of them in the 3rd car to get the tractor guy. We left them to it & since there were no cars visible in the surf the next day, I presume there was a happy outcome.

Oh, and the car that first got stuck, and had the waves breaking over it... well that guy had only bought it the day before.

Time to revisit the Pig Control Laws obviously

What's it going to take? A tragedy? Honestly, just one wandering pig is one wandering pig too many, which is probably just as well, as I only have one wandering pig story.

But is this pig registered? Is it dangerous? How long would it take to spit roast?

Your Place - Intruder Alert - wandering pig

The Empire (of SunnyO) STrikes Back

The Pig Owner
35 Ngaio Street
Otaki Beach

Dear Sir:

You will recall that I spoke to you at Easter this year about the need to keep your pig out of my property at SunnyO.

I have just fielded calls from my neighbours on the other side of my property telling me that the pig is still a regular intruder & has pushed through the fencing allowing my sheep to enter parts of the garden they have been specifically kept out of.

Accordingly, as I warned you at Easter, I have reported your pig to the District Council who have strict rules about wandering stock, and indeed, pigs on residential property. Please also note that I will be discussing the issue with your landlord & it seems that I may legally be able to claim from you:

1. Reparation for any damage to fences, property & plantings,
2. Reparation for lost feed to my sheep.
3. Trespass fees.

I do trust that you will now ensure that your pig stays off my property & please also note, that should I come across him there at any stage in future, do not expect him to be returned as I will have him impounded & removed.

Sincerely,

Aloysius Llewette


Stray Concerns

This guy is surely ahead of his time

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you the world's first Steve Irwin Impersonator.

Meet the kiwi crocodile hunter - Stuff.co.nz

SOS - Save Our Sheep

Heh. I have 6 sheep of varying ages that are going to need new homes in the next month or two (most likely). I'm a wuss, so I'd prefer they were employed as lawnmowers, rather than dinner. But then again, sheep are sheep.

So if anyone knows anyone with paddock getting away from them. Have them get in touch. Sheep are (have been to me) pretty low maintenance lawnmowers, I get them sheared, drenched, feet trimmed etc, once or twice a year, and have needed to pen them for various reasons (flystrike treatment for example - just a spraycan application) perhaps half a dozen times in the last 5 years.

Seems my plan B has been sprung. Hat tip to Spareroom for this woolly tail. Ewe will be amused.

Japanese fooled in poodle scam - World - Breaking News

Our very own Bobby

Scroll down to the story of Paddy the Wanderer, who lived on the waterfront after his owner died, cared for by the wharfies for the remaining 11 years of his life.

Waterfront Tales

Hat tip to Sue from Otaki who reminded me of this story.

Sad as sad can be.

There is something about the death of a pet that really gets me. I blub when the time comes to send that faithful companion on.

I cannot watch Old Yeller at all. Nor would I be keen to see the Disney version of Grey Friar's Bobby ever again.

Just. Too. Damned. Sad.

The Bobby story is beautiful though - in 1856, Edinburgh night watchman John Gray had a Skye Terrier pup which he called Bobby. the two were inseparable for two years. In 1858 John died of tubercolosis. Bobby lived a further 14 years and if the story has credence, spent the bulk of his time lying on his dead master's grave, only leaving to be fed by locals.

At one stage the ownerless dog was to have been disposed of according to a local bylaw. The Edinburgh Provost, Sir William Chambers registered the city council as Bobby's owner instead.

I have twice stood before the statue in Edinburgh, once in 1972, and again in 1995, by which time two gravestones had appeared in the Greyfriar's Kirkyard cemetary - one marking the spot where John Gray lies, the other nearby where Bobby was buried.

In 1995 though, in one of those moments that just happens when savouring something inexorably sad...

... I spied the message on the new headstones which said "Gravestone erected by The American Friends of Bobby" and I got the giggles at the mental image that evoked.

In fact I lay on the grass before Gray's stone heaving with hilarity for several minutes.

Until Mrs Llew came by & told me that it was only mildly amusing. So sadness gone we went elsewhere.

Greyfriars Bobby - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

And all that prompted this post was news that Younger Sister is getting a dog. A Border Terrier, which looks to be like a short haired Bobby.

Good choice.

Nicky Watson could strip for Playboy

This explains an awful lot of google searches coming through in the last few days

Nicky Watson could strip for Playboy - Stuff.co.nz

Out without my camera.

Experience tells me that not having a camera on my person is the direct trigger for views like this.

So... with the telephone... that little bump on the horizon is Mt Taranaki, believe it or not. As mentioned, it's only visible when I don't have a decent camera on me.

Click on the image for a larger view







And random blogthis:

Something I would like to own.

WINDMILLS - Windmill Water Pumps from Ferguson Windmills

NZ's Most Dangerous - cartoon by Mike Moreu

Cartoon by Mike Moreu on Stuff.co.nz - NZ Most Dangerous Breed Show

Pictures from the manifesto - Cho Seung-Hui

Warning, contains potentially disturbing photos. Work safe. Non-gory. Heartbreaking.

Pictures from the manifesto

Hat tip to "Nobody Important" over at Public Address System.

Intruder Alert!

I wasn't the first to encounter Zeus the Pig. The open2view photographer found him 2 days before me.

Harcourts - Property Details

Variations on a theme...

Country Line-Dancing With the Stars!

There's an idea whose time has not yet come.

Dance schools - Wellington and Wairarapa regions | DANCING WITH THE STARS | TV ONE | tvnz.co.nz

At Least He Enjoyed Himself.

I guess tradition demands I make some comment. But really, the show was quite boring. Highlight WAS, of course, Michael Laws, tripping the "Gorm" fantastic.

I get told off for being mean to them - apparently I should have said "She's looking good!", instead of "She MUST have had plastic surgery!", of course, maybe it's years & years of living solely off Natural Glow crystals.

And I should have said "At least he's having fun!" rather than "He's really crap."

Will the good people of Wanganui rally behind & keep him in the show? Ultimately, who cares? Especially if he's going to appear in those slash front sequinned suits.

But first impressions:

Suzanne Paul - surprisingly good. And to be honest, looking better than she did in the telemarketing days. She really MUST have had some work done.

Frank Bunce - pretty crap. It'd be rude of me to suggest he's more interested in putting the spadework into scoring his partner, but hey, I'm rude like that.

The Pongia guy - pretty good! also looks like he's working the spade, and who'd blame him?

April - not bad, but her partner, Chubba-chup or something, looks like a stoner. Not to mention a prize knob.

Holmesy - about what we'd expect. Nothing flash. The poor guy was more concerned that the judges might be irreverent. They weren't. They must have been briefed by someone.

Who am I missing, oh yeah Greer Robson - could be a contender, can dance, is apparently fiercely competitive. The judges seem to dislike her.

Megan Alatini - has she had dance training? Looks suss. If legit, should meet Pongia in the final.

Who AM I missing. Oh yeah - Michael Laws! Crap! but seems to be enjoying himself. Could be around at the expense of more deserving dancers. Or, if Wanganui despise & abandon him, could be resting his broken toe in no time at all.

Judge mauls Laws on Dancing with the Stars - Stuff.co.nz

A Fruit & Nut Picking, Pig Wrestling, & Lamb Burying Weekend.

Say what? Pig wrestling?!!

First things first though - one of the wether lambs died in the weekend. He'd been looking a bit unhappy for a few days & on Good Friday I caught & had a good old look at him. No marks, just generally unwell. I did my research & decided that even though he was drenched not so long ago, he looked like he had worms, and so I planned to get down to Farmlands first thing on Saturday & get some drench & if we were lucky, he'd pull through.

He didn't though. He was dead on Saturday morning.

Asided from that, the weekend was spent learning how to drive & wield a ride-on mower. I need some ear protectors. The teens were charged with harvesting all the macadamias on a tree at the back of the orchard, which for one reason and another has never been harvested. We decided that this would be our experimental tree.

It's not actually harvest time for this tree, that would be around June. But since it hasn't been harvested in years, we decided to give it a good clear out.

We left the kids to it, with huge plastic drop cloths under the tree, and we went somewhere else - possibly to check on a sick lamb & to wrestle a pig. I can't remember.

When we got back, we inspected the newly harvested tree. And then we spent another hour ourselves, picking about 4 times as much as the kids had all day.

Out of all that, we ended with one large wheelbarrow full of unhusked nuts.

And so onto the dehusker, which looks like somes spare parts & things that an engineer threw up into the air, and they landed that way.

But aside from an initial snarl-up, the contraption works rather well. It needs two people on it, one feeding in the nuts, the other separating the nuts from the husks. And you need gloves. And ear protectors.

I didn't put these into the drying room, I decided that they should be kept separate from any commercial crop & I have them in 3 large buckets in the "Tack" room, which currently has a portable spa in it. This is how they used to dry nuts before all the new fangled technology came on the scene.

And the pig? Well it's not something you encounter every day for sure. On Good Friday, Wilma & I headed out into the forest to check the fences & the sheep. All the sheep present & correct (aside from the sick lamb). Then at around the gate to the forest, something unnoticed & sunning itself on the ground in front of us... suddenly stood up! Wilma got a fright. I just couldn't believe it!

Tripitaka!! I yelled. And Mrs Llew came running.

"A fecking pig!" I bellowed. "Somone has left us a PIG!"

I'll post a picture I took the next day, but this was a pretty largish, black & tan, fully grown pig.

There were no fences down, and so we determined that someone had abandoned a pig on our property.

I called the SPCA & left them a message, I called the Kapiti Coast District Council & was unable to leave a message. I called More FM Kapiti & told their lost pets person that I had found someone's pig. They were amused.

The next day we arose to find that a neighbour has built a pen in his garden & has a pet pig called Zeus. It's not a very secure pen.

At one stage, later in the day, I came across the pig happily lolling in the sun in the middle of my sheep paddock & incensed, I leapt over the fence & tackled the bloody thing.

It took me 30 minutes, and there was a lot of squealing & oinking, and cursing, but I finally pushed the tub of lard back under the fence that he was able to push through from his side. Then I attacked my side of his pen with hammer nails & a couple of pieces of corrugated iron. Then, when the neighbout turned up I impressed upon him the need to keep his pig contained.

Monday was spent less energetically. Except for Mrs Llew, who picked 4 trees worth of apples. At least half of them were bird eaten & ended up in the compost, but we still have enough to last us a wee while & at least one more tree to pick.

Brothels cleared to open during Easter trade ban - Stuff.co.nz

What a relief! Now, all they need to do is start selling gardening supplies & plants, and they might be onto something.

Strange Google Search redux!

Bwahaha! - The guy (it must be) from Lorain, Ohio, tried again, guess who he found this time.

black cheerleader search (naenae) - Google Search

Calling All Celts - Time to Mobilise!

Hands off Pal, all your rivers are belong to us!

Tainui wants to own Waikato's water - Stuff.co.nz

New Zealand, A Celtic country

And even more! Hat tip to Noizy for bringing this to my attention.

New Zealand, A Celtic country

Once I find out what it is Mr Brougham clearly has easy access to, I shall get ripped & read it.

Things you probably didn't know # 1

This thought provoking* letter was published in the DomPost this week:

Artefacts Are Celtic In Origin

An archaeological dig has taken place recently at Westport where greenstone arrowheads were found. Local iwi have already claimed them.

It's strongly suspected that this is one of the sites of Mhor Ruairidh, who lived there in 1120. These arrowheads are definitely not Maori. They belong to the original tangata whenua, who created this & other settlements, and were of Scottish/Celtic origin. This is another case of the Government and Maori trying to cover up New Zealand's true history.

Ian Brougham
Wanganui

*The thought provoked being: Where can I get what this guy must be on?

Everything for Sale

I saw this movie at varsity - it was one of the movies we had to see & critique for a course called History & Criticism of Film.

Great course, for all the entertaining ones like The General, I'd bring a load of mates along.

I didn't bother if it was a Polish Arthouse film from 1969 though.

Everything for Sale is a semi-autobiographical movie from Andrzej Wajda and concerns a famous Polish film-maker looking at his life following the suicide (or drunken mishap - he fell off a moving train) of his most famous leading man Zbigniew Cybulski (there is no photo on this page, so you'll have to trust me when I say that Cybulski looked like Trampas/Doug McClure). The two had worked on Wajda's masterpiece, Ashes & Diamonds.

Wait - I found a photo

It wasn't immediately apparent to me, but then I can be like that, maybe I was hungover at the time, but the title explains the film - Everything for Sale = selling out.

And so we watch the film director selling out completely, and his surviving stable of actors, and pretty much everybody except the leading man who was too busy getting laid, getting drunk, and falling out of trains to bother selling out. Although wikipedia says he fell under a train trying to catch it... if my memory isn't playing with me, Everything for Sale has it slightly different. But it could be my memory - hey, if you come to watch it, let me know.

So anyway, find & see all these movies as they're well worth it. Especially The General.

Wszystko na sprzedaz - Everything for Sale (1969)

And SunnyO, the old one is for sale now, the sign went up yesterday. Chances are it'll be bought by a developer, it's 2.5 acres of residential, coastal land. We haven't even told our neighbours what's happening, but they'll have seen the sign by now.

It is available to rent though, until it gets sold.

And the sheep are for sale although wuss that I am, I'd like them to go to retirement paddocks, rather than freezers (I'll give them away to a good home), . I think the ewes will be easy to rehome, people want lambs. The wethers may be a bit more difficult to shift, although they are characters & very efficient lawn mowers & fertilisers.

I've been making a case to take 2 of them to the orchard, as I really am no fan of mowing lawns, with or without a ride-on mower. Mrs llew reckons M & her boyfriend H will happily do the mowing, but from my own experience, I know that will last two, maybe three occasions & then it'll be down to me again.

Sigh.

SunnyO by the Sea - available to rent

Yes that's right, experience SunnyO first hand.



After this weekend, sunnyO by the Sea will be available as a homestay, $150 per night for the first two nights (2 night minimum), and $100 per night afterwards.

3 bedrooms & a sleepout, sleeps 8.

Extensive lawns, paddock & forest. 3 minutes walk from the beach, 1.5 minutes walk to Byron's Bar & Restaurant...

Free Advice from a Nobody

And worth every cent!

1. John Key - I have mixed feelings about the anti-smacking bill (I looked up what it is really called & it is so boring that I immediately forgot it), but where is your spine man? Get out there now & announce that you will repeal it the moment you gain power. Whether you mean to or not, is frankly irrelevant, but any MPs wavering on the vote may well decide to go with their conscience rather than bring in a law that will be repealed at the earliest opportunity. I feel you're sitting on the fence not quite believing that more than 80% are against the bill. I don't quite believe it either but those sort of figures are worth a punt.

2. Pita Sharples - Gag Tariana & brazenly woo the pakeha party vote, you could be deputy PM next year, taking voters from both Labour & National.

3. Helen Clark - um.. I have no advice for you, except should you bring interest rates down sharply you will successfully buy my vote.

Meanwhile, this is very, very, cute.

Spare Room » Blog Archive » The Brightener: Baby Hamster Munches Broccoli

alick shaw - Google Search

Heh heh... now, when Councillor Shaw googles his own name* - what's the word for that again? - SunnyO is what heads the list, and what does he find when he clicks through all the links?

Heh... he finds his evil doppelganger

alick shaw - Google Search

*As someone from the city council did 5 minutes ago.

black cheerleader search naenae - Google Search

Hmm... here's an inexplicable one. From Lorain, Ohio.

black cheerleader search naenae - Google Search

Particularly as I don't feel inclined to click on the last entry of the first page... I bet that's not the Naenae I went to school at.

Some recent photos from here & there

Who says we don't bring you all the BIG news?

Olsen twins plan matching nose jobs - Stuff.co.nz

Photos will phollow

As will a complete post to the Wellingtonista - And it is now online!

I craned my neck out of the office & watched the Anti-Snacking protest. Or maybe it was the Pro-snacking protest, I get confused.

I can sympathise with those who believe that snacking is one of the foundation stones of a family upbringing. But given the alleged obesity epidemic, I can also see the opposing point of view. Snacking can be bad for you.

And I saw some guy arrested, I think he was from the anti-snacking crew, he was wearing a New Zealand flag, and he ripped up someone's placard. We shouted to the police to taser the guy, not least because I had a camera on me & i thought that'd be a pretty great thing to record & blog about. But they dragged him off down towards Kirks. There are a few places down that way where the police could give him a really good snack.

Should we be allowed to snack? I dunno really, I should probably pay more attention, but I'm not much of a snacker myself. The young 'un is, particularly after rowing practise, and when a kid is hungry, I fail to see the harm in a light snack, or even a reasonably heavy snack.

I guess it's over to you & your conscience.

BTW - that's not Zelig standing behind Blumsky & next to Farrar, should footage be shown on TV. It's someone else. Who left early to go find a snack before he got labelled a National Party Stooge.

Tale a little too tall for some dog lovers

This is some far fetched theory that you can tell if a dog likes, or dislikes you by the direction its tail wags. If it wags right, the dog likes you, if left, it doesn't.

However, as the lady pictured notes, a dog's tail wags right, left, right,left... etc.

Tale a little too tall for some dog lovers - Stuff.co.nz

So anyway, what caught my eye was "Walking her retrodoodle, Sheeba".

WTF is a "retrodoodle"?

Update!

It is the spawn of a retriever & poodle.

How to store apples for ever

Got a few apples to pick sometime soon, I'm told that if stored correctly, they can last through till August or September. Problem is, how do you store them correctly?

Google to the rescue - New Zealand must be a giant fruitbasket worth of information on the topic. Right?

storing apples nz - Google Search

Luckily, removing the NZ gets us something more relevant:

storing apples - Google Search

We'll be individually wrapping them in newspaper, and storing them in the shed.

What's in a name #1 | the wellingtonista

Over at Wellingtonista HQ, Noizyboy is soliciting possible names for Wellington's new A League soccer team.

Best suggestion so far by miles, is from Zippy Gonzales

The White Canes

Pure brilliance. Although I wonder if it might be a more appropriate moniker for the referees. By all means head on over & make some suggestions yourself.

What's in a name #1 | the wellingtonista

Google Searching

scrotum tightening surgery - Google Search

Eeeh.... heh. I'm 7th in the list. Hope the poor guy found what he was looking for.

Meanwhile, "Nicky Watson Topless" continues to be the number one search string visiting this site, but over the last few days since I mentioned "Britney Spears"... the gap is closing.

Oddly, about 2 people per week come here looking for "Tanya Horo Porn Movie" (that's Miss Lucy to you), & I would hazard a guess that searching for such a movie or clip will prove fruitless. But if I'm wrong, please do drop me a line.

And from the very obscure search list comes "phillip alford, actor, where's he now?". The search doesn't answer the question (as far as I can see) but if you're wondering, Philip Alford was the child actor who portrayed Atticus Finch's son in To Kill a Mockingbird. And that information WAS available on SunnyO all along.

The Kiwi Herald: BUSH PANICS UNDER PM'S STARE

Tee hee...

The Kiwi Herald: BUSH PANICS UNDER PM'S STARE

Showing all Corvettes for sale

Bwaha! I have no idea why the title is "Showing all Corvettes for sale".

NZ is too small for me to poke fun at this site.

But I think, judging from who is on there, that should you appear in the ranks of available speakers (Hamish!)... you have made it.

Speakers.co.nz

Actually, only some of them are cringe inducing. And as far as I can see, only one of them is dead. And they do admit to that.

it's possible that one of them is currently in jail, but I won't link to him in case I'm wrong.

Blog of the Bat

Hey, it turns out I know who The Batman is, I've actually met him once or twice, & traded one or two emails.

Of course, at that stage I ddn't know he was The Batman.

Apparently gets hit on in the comments fields by female supervillains. Haven't come across those yet, maybe he's bat dreaming :)

Batblog

Britney Spears romps in bushes of rehab centre - NZ Herald

What the hey, I have better things to do, but can't resist asking myself, and anyone who cares to answer... how long do you think she's got? I mean, before she suffers an event a la Anna Nicole Smith?

Britney Spears romps in bushes of rehab centre - 20 Mar 2007 - NZ Herald

That's a great photo through the link.

Urban Legends

Are Karl & Keith related?

Anyway, that's a red herring.

Anyone know any good (or bad) urban legends/myths about Wellington? Or even interesting urban facts. Why I'm asking may become apparent later.

Sage advice

Hmm... maybe I should blog about the best sage bush in the world! But I guess it got sold with the house it came with. Oh well. It was lovely though.

Anyway, I'm dispensing good advice today:

No matter how proud you are that you are displaying some primo backbone... I DO recommend that you have finance arranged BEFORE you go unconditional.

No matter though, my spine trusted the universe to come through & it did. Two days before settlement... And the low level headache I've had for the last month, does in fact seem to be getting better.

You can all take consolation, when you hear Dr Cullen, or Dr Bollard (he's a doctor too isn't he?) lambasting irresponsible property buyers, in the knowledge that he is talking about me. Or me by association with Mrs Llew anyway.

We have set rules now though - no more open homes, no more homes Fullstop.

And today's (not quite) random BlogThis hails from the land of Chow Yun Fat, and concerns a young married couple having to sell their home & presumably put their names on the Housing New Zealand waiting list. Personally, I'd not begrudge Alison Mau a cent if they paid her whatever was necessary to don the sequins & trip the light fantastic* on Dancing With the Stars. I'm sure that would cover it. And when I say "cover it" I mean the costs of their renovations - not... well you get the drift.

Failing that, they could do like the rest of us, who have severely overburdened themselves with old, rundown, houses in expensive areas - live in overpriced squalor for the rest of their lives.

By the way, anyone who has ever hankered for a small, or large, parcel of (very close to) coastal land... feel free to contact me (Just reconstruct the email address that I just put under the photo of the dog).

Cactus Kate: Media Paupers

* WTF does "trip the light fantastic" mean anyway?

Aussies develop brain-driven game

How ironic! I thought at first. Then I saw the names of the two Australians in question.

former Young Australian of the Year and Emotiv president Tan Le and her partner Nam Do

So OK, it's sounding more credible...

Emotiv said its system worked by detecting electrical activity generated by brain cells, known as neurons, using a process known as electroencephalography. Similar technology is used in hospitals to detect epilepsy and sleep disorders in patients.

The company's interface captures and wirelessly transmits information about brain activity to a processor, allowing interaction with video games.

The more a person uses the technology, the more adept the system becomes at recognising the person's intentions and emotions.

After a series of training sessions most people are able to move objects in a virtual world through force of will. The sensors also pick up on facial expressions such as smiles, grimaces and winks, portraying them on the face of the player's avatar - their on-screen representation.

The sensors are also said to be able to detect emotions such as fear and excitement.

Aussies develop brain-driven game - Stuff.co.nz

Meanwhile, a German company has unveiled an interface to allow users to compose messages on their personal computers and play simple games using only their brains.

The Guger Technologies device works along similar lines to the Emotiv system, monitoring brain activity.

Also under development is a thought-controlled robotic wheelchair that would allow paralysed people to move freely through their environments.

Fantastic! I want one.

And headlines that don't...

91-year-old German glued to roof - Stuff.co.nz

Cries out for a YouTube clip though.

Headlines that say it all... # 1

Matador's chances of fatherhood hurt by goring - Stuff.co.nz

Presumably it's an occupational hazard.

Mmmmm...rebecca singh...

I note she's back on TV3. We really don't see enough of her.

tv3's rebecca singh at the bollywood dance competition | Asia New Zealand Foundation | Asia NZ

Hell, put her on Celebrity Treasure Island & I might tune in...

Britney finds love in rehab

Britney calls him Mr Secret Underground Guy and J-Sun.

Britney finds love in rehab - Stuff.co.nz

Let's be honest here guys, she really calls him "Jason" right?

Mess with your doctor's mind #1

Urine sample required? May I suggest that 4 hours before the sample is... delivered... you take 2 multivitamin pills, eat half a kilo of asparagus & wash it down with a litre of beetroot juice.

That should do it.

Do not be alarmed by the colour & odour of the sample. Tell your doctor that you fasted as per instructions.

But confess to the jape before surgery occurs.

nicky watson topless - Google Search

No. 2 for this one, which probably accounts for more hits on this site than all other google searches combined.

nicky watson topless - Google Search

sandra oh looks like bull terrier - Google Search

Well. Seems I'm no. 1 for that particular search. Where do they get them from?

sandra oh looks like bull terrier - Google Search

All Spice Girls agree to reunion

Obviously Posh & Scary need the money for clothes that fit.

All Spice Girls agree to reunion - Stuff.co.nz

Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.

Isn't that a neato tagline. I caught up with Heroes last week, all the episodes so far. ANd I'm hooked.

Although I haven't the faintest idea what's going on beyond the broad brush - ordinary people are waking up with superpowers & spurning lycra (so far anyway). We have a cheerleader who can't be killed, a Japanese tourist who can travel in & manipiulate time & space (without a tardis!), a congressional candidate who can fly, and an online stripper with super strength & fighting ability, amongst many others.

And somehow they have to save the cheerleader to save the world.

It's cute. And let's hear it for Ali Larter in a thong!!

The other appointment viewing I caught up with was Life on Mars. This concerns a 2006 British detective, Sam Tyler (John Sim) chasing a serial killer, who gets run over while listening to David Bowie on his car stereo & wakes up in 1973 where he finds he is a policeman investigating an eerily similar killer, and STILL listening to David Bowie on the car stereo... can he catch the baddie in 1973 & save his girlfriend in 2006? Is there life on mars?

Sam also has moments when the future intrudes on his consciousness, so that we & he suspect that it's all a dream & he's actually in a coma in hospital. Although the show plays with us sometimes & these voices & noises have valid 1973 reasons for being audible to Sam.

The really fascinating thing about this series, is that our man appears to have woken up in the middle of an episode of the Sweeney. And if we needed anymore reminding that policing a few decades ago was a different kettle of sexist, racist, corrupt & low tech fish... this series provides it. Although it's not as black & white as that, anyone who fondly pines for the old days will find that these sexist, racist dinosaurs do have some redeeming features.

Oh, and the music is great.

Wanda Harland: Martha at Webstock

Ouch! A Must See Video

Hat tip to Spare Room again. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so much.

Spare Room » Ouch!

Wow! Stuntcasting at its finest.

Mills may play Poppins onstage - Stuff.co.nz

That's Heather, not Hayley.

Out of the night....

When the full moon is bright...
Comes a horseman known as Gorro
This bold renegade
Carves a G with his blade
A G that stands for Gorro

Al Gore, liar and now hypocrite | Whale Oil Beef Hooked

It's obvious!

The Clintons know that Americans might be ready for a black or female president (say, Condi... up to anything next election?) but won't vote for a fat one, and so they are watching Al Gore closely for any signs he may have joined a gym.

Gore knows this, and so has built a state of the art gymnasium in the naturally formed limestone catacombs beneath his Nashville Mansion (which was bought from the Wayne family some years ago) complete with olympic size heated swimming pool, solarium & sauna. And assorted pinball machines because Al's always liked pinball machines.

At some stage, the buffed & tanned El Gorro will don black mask, sword & cape & ride out onto the election trail on his faithful steed Gorenado (who during the day is in charge of fertilizing the grounds).

Corby to serve sentence at home

Please sir, can I have my boogieboard back?

Corby to serve sentence at home - Stuff.co.nz

Is this for real?

Maybe the photos are deceptive, but they look like an unlikely couple.

Teacher-student affair all over the internet - New Zealand Herald

The letter E

That title automatically appeared when I hit the BlogThis button. I kind of like it & so it shall stay.

I haven't seen Elektra, the Jennifer Garner Daredevil spinoff... but Vern has, and has assumed for the sake of argument, that it is a Carmen Elektra biopic...

Who knew she was a ninja assassin?

The OutlawVern reviews Elektra

What we need right now!

Maybe it's because like Martha, I've recently been attending to taxation matters, and before I get onto the meat of this post, let me just say that IRD are my friends!

Yes, friends. They contacted me not so long ago (one of those occasions that I have read David Slack describe, in his case referring to being scowled at by the Prime Minister, as "scrotum tightening"). But lo! They had rung to say that some years ago, we had overpaid our PAYE & they were ringing to ask what did I want them to do with upwards of $1500 that rightfully was mine!

Of course, I said "Give it all to Dr Cullen. He knows best what to do with it."

BWAHA! As if.

So anyway, for no particular reason, other than I was perusing the news, which offers lots of candidates for what I'm about to propose... and Martha's taxation rollercoaster, which has no relevance other than tax & stuff makes me really restless & bored... and I thought that what this town could do with right now, fire bans permitting, is a good old fashioned Effigy Burning.

How long since we had a good one of those? Have we ever?

I'll offer that I can think of 3 people right off the top of my head whose effigies would look pretty good perhaps, blazing on a punt or something, out in the harbour. Or effigies, (and isn't that a wonderful word) representative of the cast of Grey's Anatomy? Or...

...I'll take suggestions & pass them onto the Effigy Burning Sub-Committee of the council.

Wanda Harland: The rollercoaster of tax

Dancing with the Stars lineup confirmed

I knew there were more than 6... the last two in the lineup have been announced, and they are... (drumroll please, and the envelope...)

FRANK BUNCE and MEGAN ALATINI

Woohoo!!

Watch Buncie carefully, he's notorious apparently, wasn't he knobbing one of his Celebrity Treasure Island co-stars? A co-celebrity that ironically, I either can't remember or had never heard of in the fist place.

Anyway, should be interesting to see who he's paired with. I presume Nerida is off limits, so he'll be gagging for Krystal or Rebecca.

On that note, does anyone else think that d'Artagnan would be the most appropriate for Michael Laws?

Dancing with the Stars lineup confirmed -Stuff.co.nz

I'll be there....

Not so long ago, the radio played the theme to Baywatch. Everyone was astonished, gobsmacked, that I recognised it.

Not that I was a fan, or even in on whatever night it screened, but you'd have to have been on Mars or somewhere similar to have missed that music, and even the opening credits, being indelibly burned into your brain.

Anyway, one of the very best practical jokes I have come across involved Baywatch.

Way back in the day... that'd be the day when James Bolger had a steady hand on the country's helm... I worked at Parliament. And in those days, they had an emailed newsletter that got sent to everyone in the complex each day. I think they called it POLI, Parliamentary On Line Information (should probably have been POI, but I wasn't around to point that out when it started), which was the name of the unit I worked for, and so they should have called it POLI Newsletter (or POI Newsletter perhaps).

The newsletter was a public forum for POLI users to make announcements and/or requests. Typically you'd have the Bellamy's menu for the week, complete with healthy heart ticks where appropriate, some guff perhaps about staffers getting engaged, married, retired, etc, and there would be a few please "Did anyone tape last Wednesday's Coronation Street, please contact... etc.

One day, I heard the laughing travel around the office as people opened & read their POLI Newsletter. And I did the same when I came across:

"Did anyone happen to tape last week's Baywatch? I missed it unfortunately & would love to borrow the tape for a few days, contact J--- S--- Ext XXXX or email."

The guy then proceeded to field poisoned emails for the rest of the day, and I believe, more than a few abusive phonecalls from those who had read his plea & disapproved of his viewing pleasure.

I emailed him to say that while regretfully I had not taped Baywatch, I did have the entire series of Xena Warrior Princess on VHS. Which was a lie as it happened.

The payoff was the next day, when the next POLI Newsletter included an apology from the man's PA, it seems that the day prior had been his birthday & his devoted PA took the opportunity, when the hapless fellow went to the bathroom without logging off, to sit at his PC & compose his heartbreaking plea for slow-mo Pammy footage.

The laugh that went around as that one was read was even louder than the day before.

A Dog's Life

She's not actually allowed 1) in the bedrooms and 2) on the furniture.

And she knows it.

Pretty Green!

My favourite colour.

A few things to reinstall, obviously.

Memorable Quotes | GREYS ANATOMY | TV2 | tvnz.co.nz

Memorable quotes - Grey's Anatomy. An oxymoron?

Anyway, I went looking for more Dancing with the Stars contestants & somehow found this.

Memorable Quotes | GREYS ANATOMY | TV2 | tvnz.co.nz

And I'm going out on a limb here - Grey's Anatomy is really lame! LAME! And boring.

Let's reflect:

Was it ever good?

I don't think so.

Would civilisation end if we never heard any actor in a white coat referred to as McSteamy, McDreamy, McSomething, McStupid, or McUnshaven?

I don't think so.

Will it get better?

I don't think so.

Are spinoffs in the wind?

I think so. Look out for (stretches to remember characters' names)... oh who cares? they'll be all over your TV before you know it.

Would TV2 stop screening it mid season like they did the Sopranos?

Like fuck they would. Another reason to hate it.

Trying to figure out what's different...

Two images of Wilma - I think moving to the new blogger (whatever that was all about) has restored the profile picture of Wilma that was lost ages ago - presumably we've lost Younger Brother as an author, but he wasn't posting much anyway.

SunnyO

It's hard to be stri-icken...

With the lips of a chi-icken....

BTW - I am so sick of that Hinder song. And there really should be more words that rhyme with "chicken".

Random blog-this link takes you to a mathematical equation. YOWEE! Exciting eh?

A good attempt when you don't know the answer (David Farrar)

Hooked on Avacadoes

“It’s home-made of course”, Reg said as he extracted a long, long pole, on the end of which was a neat hook, just like a boathook.

“It’s just like a boathook” he confirmed “Except it’s an avacado hook.”

He was demonstrating how to get some of the hundreds of avacadoes that hung from the top branches of a mature avacado tree. A week earlier, when no one was looking, I sent a couple of 14 year olds up into that tree, with instructions to get us a couple to sample.

10 minutes later, when I returned to see how they were going, I came upon a carpet of avacadoes.

“Too many! How are you going to get them past the estate agent to the car?” The kids looked dismayed. I told them where the guy was & instructed them to skirt around the other way, through the bushes, and to the car. Then I walked in the opposite direction to see where the guy had got to.

He was right where I sent the kids. Figuring they were resourceful, I abandoned them.

Later, we counted the 4 dozen good sized fruit they’d somehow sneaked away with. They’re ripening up nicely.

One week later, we were back, getting a salutary lesson in how to get the fruit down, without climbing the tree.

Reg took up position outside the stables, under the avacado tree.

“On the lawn Reg, on the lawn…” advised his wife. Reg paid no attention.

As Reg reached up with his pole & hook, Mrs Llew asked Mrs Reg “Do you catch them?”

Mrs Reg said “No, I usually do it from the other side on the lawn.”

The hook caught a nice plump fruit, Reg beamed and said “You just give it a sharp yank.”

The avacado came free & headed like a smart bomb for Reg’s forehead. He went down like the proverbial tonne of bricks, his glasses askew.

“Oh shit!” I said.

“Don’t bruise it!” Mrs Llew wanted to say, but managed not to. Looking at M beside us, she added “That’s your job in future.”

M dryly replied, “If you get me a crash helmet.”

Mrs Reg had the final word, “You can tell he doesn’t do this very often.”

Reg straightened his glasses, composed himself & handed the freshly picked avacado to Mrs Llew.

We giggled for ages – later that is - at the time no-one wanted to guffaw in case Reg really was hurt. He wasn’t.

The Entertainment News Everyone's Been Waiting For!

So who have we got?

Paul Holmes,
Suzanne Paul
Michael Laws
Greer Robsn
April Ieremia
Brendan Pongia (who?)

...snooze...

There must be more than that though - is it 8 to start with? No politicians so far. I guess Blumsky's the only likely one to volunteer... but he's probably not quite a "star". Although, heh, are the others?

Only one sporto, and no current Shortie Street actors either (Robson was on it for a while though was she not?).

Look who's dancing with the stars -Stuff.co.nz

Nuts, nuts, nuts.

Any man walking along the street carrying flowers gets a lot of attention. Women smile, and sometimes mouth a silent "Awww..." Men smirk.

I don't care though, I'm getting laid tonight!

And as I strode proudly & manfully toward my destination I suddenly saw one word sprayed 3 times on the pavement:

"Nuts, nuts, nuts.

And that is a sign, because today, in fact, approximately 5 minutes before this auspicious sighting, I had had a call from a man with glad tidings.

"It was sticky, but you've got it!"

He was referring to our latest property purchase. I haven't time this week, but next week I'll be getting my new business cards printed:

"Blogger, Broker (Arms), One-Dimensional-Collectivist-Fuckwit, Orchardist"

Well to be honest, what we did today was go unconditional - this gives us approximately one month now, to win lotto.

Easy eh?

More eyecatching Icelandic topography from the talented Rebekka.

Another reason to visit scenic Iceland!

Notes from a one dimensional collectivist fuckwit

Collectivism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Meh. I had to look it up, but I don't think it's me.

Well, "collectivist" anyway, I'm sure the rest could be debated.

Practise, practise, practise*

“Oh shit! It’s 20 past 7!”

With those cheery words, I greeted the day. I was supposed to be up at 6.30am, although somehow my alarm was switched off…

Y’see, I drew the short straw to transport a couple of kids to an inter-school triathlon, I had the swimmer & runner for a team event, the rider was arriving under her own stream. All had to be at Scorching Bay from around 8.45.

I showered, dressed, woke up the swimmer & got her moving, waved bye bye to the dog & wife heading out for a walk, then received stern instructions to the effect that I should still be there when she got back so that good luck wishes could be conveyed… I busied myself putting the recycling out.

Then, 15 minutes late, having greeted dog & wife home, checked the list of things the swimmer needed… we were off! First it was round to the runner’s place, where we also picked up an extra & drove her to her pickup point up the road. And then we entered the borderline gridlock that constitutes traffic crossing from one side of the city to the other… and we listened to borderline music suitable only for teenagers…

And that reminds me to set off on a quick tangent & tell you what one of the 3 van drivers to a rowing regatta in Cambridge told us:

“The drive is OK, the girls are all really nice, no problem there… it’s their music that is the problem… it turns a tedious drive into an insufferable life sentence. You don’t want to listen to their music.”

And back on topic…

The girls talked about the upcoming event, and both expressed nervousness because they haven’t practised in the slightest for months, although both have been kept fit by other sports.

The cyclist also hadn’t practised in the slightest in living memory, but hey, it’s all about competing right?

They came third. Next year, they’ll train.

* I have no idea if I have used the right form of "practise". Never have known which is which, or if I ever have, I forgot it 5 minutes later... Just as well it wasn't covered when I did this test.

Field to back Govt as independent

I'm only doing this to beat David Farrar to the draw. But should you have been concerned about the prospects for the current regime... seems they live again!

Field to back Govt as independent - Stuff.co.nz

'Catwoman' robs Taranaki bank - Stuff.co.nz

'Catwoman' robs Taranaki bank - New Zealand news on Stuff.co.nz

It's hard to tell, but it looks like she might be cute - I predict a stellar media career on her release from prison, a stint on a couple of Treasure Islands perhaps, a fling with Ridgey, y'know, the usual.

Great Minds

Had several occasions recently where in hindsight, I have realised that everyone in the room had the same thought as me, but for various reasons, no one said a word.

1. Mrs Llew & I were being shown a macadamia drying room. It was a medium sized room furnished with several rods mounted from wall to wall, from which hung string sacks of drying macadamia nuts. There was a serious looking dehumidifier in the corner.

And did I mention the entire room, walls, ceiling, was lined with tin foil?

Hours later, Mrs Llew mentioned "Didn't you think that was the perfect room for growing cannabis?"

And I did. Not that I would know of course.

2. Sat in on a committee meeting discussing fundraising. Let's say for the sake of argument, that this was fundraising for a dragon boating team...

One person was adamant that we needed to get a calendar shot & printed, of the boys, with their shirts off.

I countered "Um... it's February, are you talking a 2007 or 2008 calendar?"

The calendar champion was not to be deterred - "Can you think of ANYTHING that would sell better than a calendar with pictures of the boys with their shirts off?"

There was a conspicuous silence, during which I, and as I discovered later, pretty much every other person in the room, thought to themselves - "Yes, a calendar with pictures of the girls with their shirts off..."

But wimps that we are, and seeing as we're talking about school teams here, I think everyone decided it'd be way to icky to mention it.

That's what blogs are for.

2005 calendars should be off the presses soon. We ended up deciding that the calendar should be of the parents with their shirts off*. Mine's September, ensure you're wearing sunglasses. Get in early to avoid disappointment.

Today's random "BlogThis" site takes you to where the gloves come off, where the blood boils, where the air is thin, where the ears are thick... etc. My money's on Welly_Girl BTW.

Blogger Bash - How about it? Whale Oil Beef Hooked

* I have recounted this story once before by email, and in one of those weird occasions where the world was in tune with itself (does that make sense?) I clicked "Send" to the recipient, just as an email arrived from him with the news that he'd just been photographed with his shirt off for the Listener.

That skydiver who survived...

Hat tip to the Spareroom. I plundered it shamelessly.

Seeing as Mr Holmes lived though, I avoid feeling guilty about laughing at the dialogue:

Jonathon: "You OK?"
Michael: "No."
Jonathon: "Does it hurt anywhere?"
Michael: "Yes."

World exclusive skydiver video... watch the incredible footage here! the Daily Mail

Michael's not the first person to survive a terrifying fall like that, but those who have form a reasonably exclusive club.

I remember seeing hilarious footage of basejumpers leaping off a bridge someplace. It sure was a long way down, and one guy suffered a gear malfunction & did his very best Wile E Coyote impression, silently dwindling into the distance, and landing with a barely audible "Pffft" in the shallow river some several hundred metres below. He also lived. Walked away unscathed.

Should you ever find yourself plummetting several hundred or thousand metres without the aid of a parachute, you might want to bone up on increasing YOUR chances of joining that club. Here are step by step instructions on surviving a long fall.

Sex bloggers bare all on the internet

Hah! You wish!

Sex bloggers bare all on the internet - Stuff.co.nz

You must be thinking of this guy...

Actually, I just liked the headline.

That's it! I'm outtahere.

In my life, I have walked out of very few movies. And to put that in perspective, I can probably own to have seen thousands of movies in my time (many of them, over some dozen years, from the same seat in the same cinema), and this isn’t counting video cassettes, DVDs, SKY or TV screenings.

But no matter how awful, boring, or insulting to my intelligence, the number of films I have abandoned midway can be counted on one hand. I even sat through a scratched, and baffling screening of The Colour of Pomegranites, although a mate who attended with me did complain to the projectionist at the absence of a car chase.

I got to thinking about all this yesterday, after describing a movie that I did stay the distance for, Hybrid, which is about the man, Milton Beeghly, who invented early hybrid corn varieties, and the movie is literally as exciting as watching corn grow, which is what you do for pretty much the whole running time, in hindsight, I should have fled at the first closeup of a corn field maturing in slow motion.

I remember being at a very late film festival screening of Reanimator, which is one of the most hilarious (“Herbert West has a perfectly good head on his shoulders… and another on the table in front of him.”) and grisly stories ever committed to film. The movie opens with an autopsy being performed for the benefit of watching med students, the doctor doing the honours instructs the class “…and you peel the skin away from the skull just like an orange”. And as they showed that skin being peeled orange like, the first of many dozens of patrons began leaving the theatre, we’re like 30 seconds in. The audience sontinued to stream steadily out until almost the final scene, in stark contrast to the very first Hong Kong film shown at a festival, The Iceman Cometh, where the largely chinese audience continued to enter the theatre (and proceeded to converse loudly) right up almost to the final scene.

I was made of sterner stuff as far as Reanimator went, the movie is frickin brilliant. Jeffrey Combs, who plays Herbert West, earned a cameo in Peter Jackson’s The Frighteners on the strength of this performance.

The film that I most vividly remember walking out of, was called The Ghosts (Das Gespenst), and coincidentally it was at another film festival that I encountered it. The programme notes claimed it was a comedy. Laughs were promised. Not only, but controversial laughs, because it had a reputation for being blasphemous.

But who knows? I didn’t get that far. I watched the so-called special effect as the statue of Christ came to life, I watched him turn into a snake, and back, and meet the nun with whom he would purportedly form an intimate relationship, but I didn’t see the relationship develop because I gave up after what seemed like a 30 minute scene of two characters (supposedly the comic relief) squatting back to back & trying to shit into shot glasses… not even the promise of hilarious blasphemy could justify the ennui of this scene. And so I left after not a single laugh or smirk.

Some years later I also walked out of Jim Jarmusch & Johnny Depp’s Deadman, but that was because I had flu & was feeling sick.