The B Movies

On the dog walk the other night, I asked a couple of fellows doing the same if they had any recommendations for a DVD to get that night. Family fare, or thereabouts.

These two are academics, one's a history lecturer, the other, a professor of philosophy. Both keen culture-hounds. I figured their judgement might be worthwhile...

"Hellboy!" said history man
"Spiderman 2" said Philosopher.
"Riiiggghhhtttt", said I.

Anyway, I clipped Wilma to the rubbish bin outside the DVD store (I carry a nifty little carabina for this), and went in to scour the shelves. I don't really need advice about what to get, it just helps if I have something in mind, or I'll be there all night checking out the entire selection...

After about 20 minutes... having looked longingly at the Before Sunset new release & deciding it might be too tedious for a 12 year old, and Swimming Pool, because I know T likes Charlotte Rampling, because people tell her they look similar (and Helen Mirren - I'm onto a good thing really), but Swimming Pool is a family unfriendly R18 & no matter how appealing the thought of aging English, and barely legal French hotties prancing naked around the pool was... I came across the words... Spiderman 2.

On getting home, M scrutinised my selection & said "We've seen this."

"Spiderman 2? No we haven't"
"It's Spiderman... the 2 disc set, you didn't take your reading glasses did you?"
"F..."

So M offered to walk back to the DVD store & switch it for Spiderman 2, or if that was out something similar, armed with advice/warning from T "You might like to consider something I might like to watch."

10 minutes later, she's back, with a huge grin as she announced,

"Bulletproof Monk!"
"F..." said T

Chow Yun Fat! Hoo Hah!!! Now if you're unfamiliar with Our Man Fat, he's probably the Cary Grant of our time. Truly. He was the main man in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, but his best work is in John Woo Bullet Ballets, the best of which is indisputably Hard Boiled. In fact, although he's known now for martial artistry, Crouching Tiger was his first foray into the genre, he's usually shooting people. Lots of people...

Our first B Movie of the weekend then, Bulletproof Monk is a guilty, park your brain outside & enjoy the ride, pleasure. Alternatively some people might be profoundly irritated by the idiocy of the so called plot.

Chow, is an 80 something year old monk with no name, charged with protecting a sacred scroll from an evil nazi who tried to take it off him 60 years ago in 1943. We take up the action is modern day New York. And really, it's campy crap. But with Chow Yun Fat spouting "fortune cookie philosophy", and who is by far the best thing about it (although, he should fire his agent). The 2nd male lead is the guy who played Stifler in the American Pie movies, and if this guy is a movie star, then there is hope for the rest of us. The female lead looks like Avril Lavigne, but I suspect she wasn't.

The next day was de ja vu, but without the advice from my cultured friends. This time I took heed of the longing in my soul... and checked out the 2nd B Movie of the weekend. Before Sunset.

This one's a sequel to a small film called Before Sunrise made by a guy called Richard Linklater some 10 years ago starring Ethan Hawke & Julie Delpy. They were a couple of young things who meet on a train in Europe, he on his way back to the US the next day, her to start school in Paris. On a whim they disembark the train at Vienna & spend the night pretty much conversing about all sorts of things. They connect & promise to meet again in 6 months time. It is the all time finest romantic movie ever made IMO.

9 years later, Jessie (Hawke) is a best selling novelist on a promotional tour of Europe, promoting his novel about two young things who meet on a train... etc.

He looks up from a book signing in Paris, and there is Celine (Delpy)

Here, we find out if they kept their rendezvous 9 years earlier & what has become of them since.

Again, time is limited - Celine asks "How long have we got this time, 20 minutes?"

Hawke replies, "Longer then that". They have 80 minutes actually, and the movie follows them pretty much in real time as they wander Paris, with a few flashbacks interspersed.

And it is lovely, these are two real people, talking real things, the chemistry is palpable & it doesn't hurt that they've both aged really, really well. Delpy is of course, luminous. And so is Paris.

Can't say much about it without spoiling it, but the ending is fantastic. Both of these movies have you wanting to see more of these characters*, so now we just have to wonder how much longer before the 3rd movie is made.

*Celine & Jessie also appear briefly in a sequence in Richard Linklater's Waking Life.

Just the ticket

Any but the most optimistically naive in the IT industry knows that when a change to anything is made to fix a particular problem, odds are, that another problem just got introduced.

But maybe that experience isn't so common in other areas.

Anyone with children, will surely be familiar with the phenomenon of bus & train ten trip & season tickets going through the wash. Those little paper mache tablets left in the botom of the washing machine.

I don't know if the people who make the Wellington Cable Car ten trip tickets had this problem in mind when they introduced the new plastic tickets, but we welcomed the innovation. Brilliant, we might actually get 10 trips out of one of these, we thought.

And so it was some amusement this morning, on getting the washing out of the machine, that we discovered that while the tickets do indeed remain intact... the ink is water soluble, and so we have a perfect orange plastic rectangle, with three clips along one side, and absolutely no other markings on it whatsoever.

I'll let you know if they let us use it for 7 more trips.

Deep Throat?

Well... if that doesn't improve my hit rate...

But actually, it's the OTHER Deep Throat... Had you been aware of the rumours that the guy who pulled the plug on Richard Millhouse Nixon & met clandestinely with Carl Bernstein & Bob Woodward, was close to death & his identity might be revealed soon?

Well the Outlawvern examines the rumour that he might have been Dr Hunter S Thompson...

So I got home the other day...

So I got home the other day, and M is sitting at the dining Table, writing furiously (3 "5"s in a row for homework & you get a week off - she's got 2 out of 3 already).

And she's wearing yellow tights, yellow Hurricanes' jersey, yellow bulbous Hurricanes' top hat, and she has a yellow Hurricanes' trumpet & flag.

The pieces de resistance though, are two yellow supermarket plastic bags tied around her feet.

And you know those really proud moments, when you're confronted with an unusual sight, and without even thinking about your strategy for the coolest possible response... you don't even ask?

So I took Wilma for a walk & on the way I wondered "What was THAT about?"

Turns out it was the costume she planned to wear during her campaign speech to become Kowhai House Captain (yellow) at her school. She also planned to fling a large pile of fruit bursts left over from Halloween into the crowd at the end of her speech, figuring it wouldn't hurt her popularity. And the furious writing was her speech.

We find out today how the election went. We do know however, that her highly original speech went down better with the crowd, than one rival who said "I'm Josh, vote for me, I'm good at sport."

Oh... and the girls all just cruised in briefly, proto-teenagers, on their way to swimming, dallying long enough to take all my money off me & give me sage advice about eating oranges for my cold - all 3 of them are captains of their respective houses. Way to go.

I haven't got a statistics page...

Like some other people...

But I've been reliably informed that there IS another way to attract blog traffic & comments...

So here we have it... Paris Hilton's breasts (maybe)..

Man, I hate blood tests

I'd blog in more detail... but I hate them so much my fingers are starting to curl.

Weird thing is, it's not the blood, I've done all sorts of damage to myself & left pints of it all over all sorts of places & objects, & still pulled myself together, got out the nylon thread & stitched myself back up (exaggerating there).

It's where they take it from. Inside the elbow thing... I hate those bits being touched, like I hate my thumbs being grabbed...

Also... I thought it was OK to drink coffee... seems I may have to have another one. And should I have mentioned the codral cold tablet & multivitamin I took?

Or the bacon macmuffin? (Just kidding).

Anyway - just routine, yearly check up sort of test. Although my doctor was in a fine comic mood when I saw her (do they teach this at med school?)

"Leave your mobile number at reception in case I want to get hold of you in a hurry"
"Are you expecting something nasty in the blood test?"
"Oh no... it's in case I get in a foul mood & want to lecture someone about their liver...."

A considered, and comprehensive review of the movie Unfaithful

Utter Garbage

Oh OK... Diane Lane is gorgeous & well above the material. It could have been better, a searing morality play even, warning against the unavoidable consequences of adultery...

But then, the film-makers saw the necessity to include a murder...

Of prurient interest only.

I came here for the waters.

Inspired by a bunch of Valentine's Day blogs seeking to find the greatest romantic movie ever made... we revisited Casablanca on Saturday night.

12 year old M: "Black & white??!! WTF?"
Me: "Don't say "F""
M: "You do"
Me "I'm allowed, I invented it"
M: "But black & white...!! I mean..."
Me: "You liked King Kong?"
M: "Nope"
Me: "You liked Duck Soup!"
M: "Noooo..."
Me: "SILENCIO!!"

Also, I was highly amused by the comment "there's no film - whatever the genre - that can't be improved by a scene where Humphrey Bogart shoots a high-ranking Nazi". It's true.

I'd managed to tape it off TCM a few months ago. Took a punt. I had been thinking about getting the new DVD release, and I still may, given we had some technical problems watching the tape (two newish VCRs, one does not like playing what has been recorded on the other), and that the DVD also has the Carrotblanca special feature, Bugs Bunny & the crew in a very funny parody. Apparently Tweety, in the Peter Lorre role is sublime.

Despite our technical diffculties (every 10 minutes, we'd lose the picture, have to stop & restart the tape & all would be fine for another 10 minutes. The heads cannot be dirty, this is only the 2nd time we've used this unit), the film was clearly struck of a pristine print. I like that in a movie.

I have all the Casablanca regalia, the script, a big book about how it was written & made, I used to have a poster, but I sold it to a collector a few years back. I don't think I've seen the movie though, for more than 20 years.

But just as I remember, it is fantastic. From the opening matte work, a poster come to life, designed to make us think we're not in a studio back lot, to the most gifted (and apparently, pretty accidental) casting of the leads, to the brilliant supporting cast, Peter Lorre as the slimy Ugarte, Claude Rains as Captain Renault, Dooley Wilson as Sam, right down to the extras who play waiters & bartenders, everyone gets at least one snappy line.

No-one says "Play it again Sam", but there are some terrific lines & exchanges:

Renault: Why did you come to Casablanca Rick?
Rick: "For my health, I came here for the waters."
Renault: "The waters? Casablanca is in the desert."
Rick: "I was misinformed."

Bogart is at the height of his powers, he's suave, witty, honourable, angry, cynical & above all, hurt. His performance is so absolutely assured, there is nothing wooden or mannered about Bogart, he is Rick Blaine. Accept no substitutes. Ingrid Bergman, a quick family poll determined, is/was a major hottie. Rains in many instances, steals the show, but from today's standpoint, Captain Renault is a despicable sexual predator, not just a corrupt official. "Some men like war, I like women."

"We're closing the cafe because it's come to our attention there is gambling on the premises!"
"Here are your winnings Captain"
"Thank you".

When it comes down to it though, it's Bogart & Bergman that make the film, and the payoff indeed, is when Bogart shoots the nazi & doesn't get the girl.

I think I will get the DVD, and blog about Carrotblanca in a short while.

The Gift of the book of the blog of the story of someone else's life....

I got a book in the mail on Friday... ordered from Amazon UK on (according to the packing note) 10 february....

It was gift wrapped, ribboned, and accompanied by a small card on which was neatly typed "I saw this & thought of you".

And it is the book of the blog known as Belle de Jour.

Belle, as you may know, wrote a gripping blog of her exploits, fired a great deal of speculation about who she really was, and scored a major book deal... the stuff of bloggers' dreams. Although hopefully we don't have to suffer some of the same indignities as belle in devotion to her... er Art. Although some of the pleasure would be OK. Who says artists have to suffer anyway?

I immediately thought, "Cool, Damian Christie has sent me a home entertainment system as a prize for suggesting the creepiest words on earth are "Michael and Barrymore.""

But the dates don't match with the contest. And I quizzed Christie earlier, in yet another borderline-stalker series of emails & am satisfied it wasn't him.

So... the field of suspects narrows, I think, to pretty much the handful of readers of this blog.

So 'fess up! Who sent it? And please furnish me with a very valid & innocent reason why it is that coming across "The Intimate Memoirs of a London Call Girl" made you think of me. So I can relay that to my interested wife.

And thank you so much too. I'm sure to enjoy it immensely.

A good candidate for Otaki?

Look closely at this guy (Nathan Guy, in fact)... is it just me or does it look like he's wearing suspenders?

And why are they meeting in trendy Paraparaumu if he's the Otaki guy?

David Farrar: A good candidate

And someone somewhere, said they overheard someone bemoaning the loss of Katherine Rich from the National Party front bench, because she provided "eye candy".

Let's leave aside the ickiness of the term "eye candy" (I've already notified Damian Christie) - it sounds like eye shaped lollies, and let's face it, it's demeaning... I absolutely HATE it when I'm referred to that way...

Opinions please? (on Katherine Rich) Are these the same sorts who might once have harboured impure thoughts about Laila harre? Deborah Coddington? Muriel Newman? Nana Mouskouri?

Farnsie nixed. Irreverent ANZAC musings follow...

I feel the urge to weigh in on this one...
Concert in a cemetary

when I heard about the fuss, and the choice of John Farnham to perform at this solemn occasion, one thought crossed my mind (possibly one more than usual):

"Was Rolf Harris unavailable?"

His Sunarise is totally under-rated IMO. I remember, about 15 years ago, sitting on my sunny deck out back, National Radio blaring out of the french doors, totally relaxed after smoking a... very exotic cigar... and they played Sunarise. And it was magnificent. A revelation in fact. That song is one of the few mp3s I ever downloaded. Along with It's A Kind of Magic, but I digress...

Ok, granted, Harris's Two Little Boys might be more appropriate to the occasion, but Sunarise IMO is the apex of Australian music. Maybe it's the didgeridoos. Maybe it's because Alice Cooper covered the song on his 1971 Love it to Death album (the electric guitars don't quite cut it though) and there was nowhere near the outcry there was when Rolf covered the highly over-rated Stairway to Heaven (in fact there was no outcry at all). Maybe it's because I think Harris was didgeridoodled out of his rightful place as an Australian "legend" in the Sydney Olympic opening ceremony - they could have sandwiched him somewhere many would like to be, between Kylie & Elle Macpherson. Or instead of Crocodile Dundee. I mean, wasn't he a champion swimmer? I think he was.

Come to that, was Kylie unavailable also?

Holy hell... Rolf has a website. You can buy Rolfabilia (that sounds like the product of too many pints & kebabs actually).

Not your usual slasher movie

Identity. John Cusack, Ray Liotta, Amanda Peet & a bunch of others, are a group of travellers, stranded by floods & forced to stay in a sleazy motel. Then someone starts killing them one by one. Ex-cop Cusack, and Corrections officer Liotta (who is escorting a dangerous prisoner - a typecast Jake Busey) try to keep the group alive & figure out whodunnit.

All is not as it seems however, there are some major WTF moments, which in retrospect, could be deduced from just about the opening scene. There's a parallel story about a mass-murderer who is due to be executed the next day, being interviewed by his psychologist (Alfred Molina). The two stories intersect near the end, in a scene which doesn't shed all explaining light on what's going on, but suddenly causes you to reassess everything you've seen so far... and there's more to come...

Not since Open Your Eyes (and its remake, Vanilla Sky) has a movie been so clever in its misdirection IMO.

Hard to say much more about it without spoilers. Maybe I've said too much already! (Although I draw the line at "Bruce Willis is dead!")

It's directed by James Mangold, who did Girl, Interrupted, and is most definitely worth a look.

I just love that site...

Comments/captions welcomed on this...

Please do let me know if you are or are related to these people.

Foundphotos caption contest

Have a go...

Information Enthusiast?

Mike & I just had a quiet lunch at the fabulous Mr Bun in Waring Taylor Street (no link available). Steak & eggs & a mixed grill (can't remember what Mike had). And it's a race to blog the stupid things the other one said...

We discussed our careers & our blogs... and a fellow we both have come across online who tells me his official job title is... Information Enthusiast.

How cool is that? I have no idea what an Information Enthusiast does, but somehow, I want to be one! Although why confine myself to Information Enthusiasm, I could be less of a specialist & be a General Enthusiast (and work my way up to General Manager, Enthusiasm Division) "Wow, that's amazing, keep it up! Let me get you a back rub - INGER! Trainee Enthusiast in cubicle 12" etc. Performance Reviews might be a lot more exciting than they are these days for sure.

So anyway... anyone got any ideas what an Information Enthusiast does?

Anyone got an opening for an aspiring Enthusiast?

The Unthinkable

This is very weird.. I'm going to recommend a Patrick Swayze movie (Shock! Horreur!).

You know Swayze... an actor carved from Solid Teak. Remember Point Break? With Keanu? It was like watching two redwood trees in the forest, wearing dead president masks, shooting at each other.

And Ghost... god help us. Actually, Swayze at times looked animated in comparison to Demi Moore, an actress who was also apparently petrified in eons past. Ghost, along with Cocktail, is the nadir of Hollywood film-making.

And Dirty Dancing... oh, but you say, "I LOVED Dirty Dancing". Well it sucked too. You really only like the last scene. Admit it. Because Swayze is an accomplished dancer. Dance, it would seem, is his medium. Not acting.

So on a punt & against my better judgement, I rented something called One Last Dance. And you know what? It was pretty good. Especially if you enjoy watching accomplished dancers do what they do best.

It's the story of 3 aging, and former star dancers who reunite to perform the last & unperformed dance of their now deceased legendary choreographer & mentor (and bastard, as revealed in flashbacks). The piece was written for them years ago, but was so difficult, they never mastered it, fell out, then went their separate ways.

Swayze co-stars with his real life wife, Lisa Niemi, and some guy called George de la Pena (who looks like that guy from Shortland Street years ago, whose name I can't remember). Niemi & de la Pena are absolutely terrific, whether acting or dancing. Swayze's pretty good, better in the dance scenes, but does have one speech where he almost looks conscious.

the movie is chock full of fantastic dance sequences, mostly performed by the younger members of the dance troupe. But the climax, when the piece is finally performed... is just magnificent. Big ups to Swayze, Niemi & de la Pena, who clearly all past their prime, must have rehearsed for months to bring off this very difficult (to my untrained eyes) choreography.

Check it out.

More on dogs...

Bugger. The few irresponsible spoiling it for the many...

News - Unrestrained Dogs Blamed for Otari Bird Maulings

After I posted yesterday on dogs'n'stuff, I arrived (avec chien) at Magpie Lawn to discover a large sign had been nailed up, featuring a gruesome picture of the kereru mentioned in this article.

We (the assembled dog owners) were outraged. Just another attempt to restrict the already overly restricted dog owners, we figured. I was pretty sure no dog had harmed any birds in the Botanic Gardens - I'd have heard. I have seen feral cats there though, the birds go bananas when they prowl.

But I figured something must have happened somewhere to earn this response. And there we have it.

The poster will probably put off any pesky picnickers though... wonder if dog control will be swooping through to check on us...

It's my blog & I'll be rude if I want to...

To the bald, lizard featured "gentleman" (code for "cretin"), who was turning right off the Terrace up Aurora Terrace and who shouted angrily at my wife this morning that she should read the bloody road code... because she gave way to him & even charitably waved him on when he didn't move... Please do.

Hint: We were on a Stop sign.

Controlled intersections

UPDATE:

There is no stop sign. Nor even a give way. I was wrong. So apologies to Angry Lizard Man. However, I still think you were in the wrong, just not for the reason I thought. It seems inconceivable to me that downhill traffic can just sweep round onto the Terrace & all else gives way to the. Even people turning right from the Terrace up the hill.

I'll take advice on this of course....

Dogs'n'stuff

STUFF : NATIONAL NEWS - STORY : 4 year old bitten in latest dog attack

Latest dog attack... sounds like there's an epidemic. Or a swarm, like those recent earthquakes. Do you think there are more dog attacks then there used to be? Or are they getting hysterically talked up by the media?

And how would microchipping have stopped these two attacks? (Not that I'm against microchipping, they'd be useful if your dog went missing & got picked up someplace.)

Not that I'm leaping to blame anyone for this, I mean, the circumstances aren't explained, but why is a four year old within range of a dog anyway? What sort of dog was it? What was the kid doing? How well were the kid & dog being supervised?

I don't know about parents, but all this is making dog owners nervous, there's a lot of ill-founded animosity out there towards dogs & dog owners.

That said, I & some dog walking cronies, found ourselves in an indefensible position a few weeks ago. We let our dogs chase balls & each other on the same patch of field as some picnicking parents & toddlers. The dogs went nowhere near the kids (who were 50 yards away from the parents, playing among trees), but we were roundly chastised by one of the mums...

OK, we should have asked if they minded, and we should have apologised... but you know that feeling when you're in the wrong, with no mitigating circumstances and you just want to give the finger & say "Fuck you!". Fortunately, we did neither.

Just then, one of the toddlers (unsupervised & 50 metres away from any adults near a steep drop behind some trees) had a nasty fall... man, did I feel an indignant lecture coming on...

It was almost with some disappointment the next day, that I found they'd cleaned up their picnic & had not thrown disposable nappies into the bush (not unknown).

UPDATE:

Oh and in case anyone's thinking I'm one-eyed about this, remember the dog Toot, who killed a cat in someone's backyard a few years ago? Toot received a death sentence, but was spirited away to hiding & hasn't been seen since?

Well I wrote a letter to the local newspaper at the time wondering what would have happened if the unsupervised Toot had come across a toddler, and not a sleeping cat. I thought he should have been put down.

I've resisted this long enough...

I think we should try & guess who Ms B is referring to. I've just about exhausted my list of ex UK child stars. I was going to punt on Davy Jones, but he's got a 40 year blank on his CV.

: Ms Behaviour - NZ Raver - The Cocaine Years :

Also... while I'm at it, she's got a funny story about Status Quo right here...